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Posted by on Aug 25, 2017 in Anxiety, Self Improvement, Stress

Meditation For Beginners: How to Relieve Stress, Reduce Anxiety and Experience More Peace

meditation for beginnersYou live an exciting life (some might call it crazy-busy, but you like to think positive).

When the demands of work, family, and the quest to fulfill your own hopes and ambitions get to be too much, meditation is a great way to clear the noise.

The way I see it, meditation doesn’t have to include a week-long sabbatical to Thailand.

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Posted by on Jun 8, 2017 in Self Improvement

9 Common Sense Ways to Improve Focus and Concentration

9 Common Sense Ways to Improve Focus and ConcentrationUpdated: February 10, 2018

Many of us desire to improve focus and concentration. We want to be mentally sharp so that we perform at our maximum effectiveness, including optimal levels of efficiency and creativity.

Here's the problem...

You have loads of work to complete, seemingly endless projects or chores, and you can't seem to focus long enough to get through even one of them.

We've all been there.

Given the tremendous responsibility on women today, it's not surprising that many of us struggle with lack of focus and low levels of concentration.

Between jobs, kids, spouses, community...and sometimes add to the mix aging parents, special needs of the family, and financial problems...our minds never have a moment of peace.

And there are always distractions.

Trying to concentrate for just a few moments without experiencing a diversion or interruption of some sort can be a real struggle.

Unfortunately, these days, very few of us are exempt from this kind of pressure. Whether you're a CEO, stay at home mom, small-business entrepreneur, butcher, baker or candlestick maker, the pressure is on to hold everything together.

How can that be accomplished though, when every time you sit down to focus on something or complete a task, five other things instantly pop up? suddenly remember twelve things you forgot to do.

Or that last argument with your spouse or friend keeps replaying on that infinite loop in your mind?

Believe it or not, there are ways you can combat distractions, sharpen focus and improve your concentration.

This is not rocket science.

It involves a bit of practice and takes some time to make into a regular habit, but it is possible to improve focus in a significant way.

Through regular performance of a few behavioral modifications and some fairly simple focus tips and tricks, you can train your brain to maintain focus, make distractions a thing of the past and have the needed concentration to accomplish the task at hand.

But to improve focus, it's initially important to look for clues as to what may be sabotaging your concentration in the first place.

Are you too much of a night owl? Do you love caffeine? Are you dehydrated?

If any of these sound familiar, your lack of focus may be attributed to characteristics of your lifestyle. Consider these concentration tips to help you improve focus, avoid distractions and be successful in your daily routine:


1. Make Sure You Are Not Dehydrated


I've said it before, I'll say it again. Drink more water!

Your body is 60% water! Your brain and your heart are each composed of 70% water! Water is crucial to the proper function of your body's systems.

It may seem unlikely, but studies have shown that even being only slightly dehydrated can cause a change in brain function that leads to inattention.

It is your body's way of trying to get your attention and let you know that something is not how it should be.

This clue can be easy to miss because we usually associate dehydration with extreme thirst. However, the truth is you may actually be dehydrated long before you feel really thirsty.

If drinking adequate amounts of water is difficult for you, try to change things up a bit from the usual.

Drink flavored water (no sugar).

Get a fun water bottle to take to work or to keep on your desk.

Set an alarm on your watch or smartphone to help remind you to take a drink if you slack off.

Just keep that water handy and drink up!


2. Fuel Your Body and Brain


Just as a lack of water can cause your body to react in a negative way, lack of proper nutrition can do the same thing.

Your body is a machine that needs specific fuel to function.

Without the nutrients it needs, your body, and more importantly your brain, cannot function in the way that they should or to their optimum potential.

Among other things, poor nutrition can result in decreased energy, focus and concentration. It can also be the cause of an increase in fatigue or irritability, none of which will help you in accomplishing what you need to.

This doesn't mean a triple latte for breakfast and donuts for lunch.

Though caffeine can temporarily help you feel more alert, it eventually wears off and you may struggle more than ever.

Try to limit caffeine-laden drinks to no more than one or two a day to avoid the possibility of becoming dependent on them.

Choose healthy meals and snacks and avoid overeating, which can make you sluggish.

Below we have provided a list of 16 foods which are easily found at your neighborhood grocery, that are good for your brain health and beneficial for improving focus and concentration.


Natural Foods That Promote Brain Health, Improved Focus and Improved Concentration


Avocados – A monounsaturated fat, nutrient dense food containing nearly 20 vitamins and minerals. Contributes to healthy blood flow which is great for your brain.

Bananas – Almost completely fat-free, no cholesterol, great fiber source. Natural source of several vitamins and minerals, most notably amino acids and potassium.

Beans (Black beans and Lentils) – The brain needs glucose (sugar) to function properly. Beans provide a stable glucose/energy nutrition source for your body which promotes good brain function.

Beets – Can increase blood flow to the brain supplying it with more oxygen. Also helps brain neuroplasticity (the ability of the brain to form, change and reorganize synaptic connections.)

Blueberries – In addition to their great benefits for heart health, blueberries are a great source of antioxidants and help protect the brain from oxidative stress and may reduce the effects of Alzheimer's and dementia.

Broccoli – A source of vitamin K and Choline which improve the brain's cognitive function and memory.

Celery – A source of luteolin which may help reduce inflammation that contributes to neurodegeneration.

Dark Chocolate – Benefits memory, acts as an anti-inflammatory, helps with depression and is good for blood pressure.

Egg Yolks – Contain vitamins A, D, E and K, Omega-3 fats, and the nutrient Choline which supports normal brain development, healthy metabolism and energy levels.

Extra Virgin Olive Oil – Reverses oxidative brain damage affecting learning and memory. Contains antioxidants proven to reverse age- and disease-related learning and memory loss.

Kale – Extremely nutrient rich,contains plant-based Omega-3s great for your brain health, lowers risk of depression and contains carotenoids linked to increased optimism.

Oats/Oatmeal – Contains B-Vitamins that help reduce the risk of Alzheimer's Disease and brain shrinkage, and glucose that helps your brain to function.

Spinach – (and other “leafy” greens) Contain Vitamin K, lutein, folate and beta-carotenes which promote optimal brain function and health, and are believed to be helpful in preventing dementia, and are good for heart health and blood circulation (which also benefits brain function).

Sunflower Seeds – Contain a high amount of thiamine (an important B vitamin) that increases the brain's cognitive function and memory, as well as tryptophan which the brain converts to serotonin that helps with both insomnia and mild depression.

Walnuts – Packed with brain-healthy nutrients such as omega-3 fats, folate, Vitamin E, antioxidants and more that support and promote brain health, improve cognitive function, and help prevent age-related brain decline.

Wild Salmon – Packed with numerous healthy nutrients including docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), an omega-3 fatty acid, the antioxidant amino acid taurine, selenium, vitamins B6, B12 and D, choline, potassium, niacine and more, it helps protect your neurons (brain cells), helps produce neurotransmitters (critical to brain messaging), helps to protect your brain against memory loss and cognitive decline, Alzheimer’s disease and mood disorders.

In addition, to all of the foods listed above, the spice turmeric, and the herb, rosemary are also healthy for your brain.


3. Get Enough Sleep


With all the "busy"ness of everyday life and our efforts to squeeze more and more into each 24-hour day, we often sacrifice in the only area we believe we can...sleep.

It may seem no big deal to lose an hour or two of sleep each night, but a constant pattern of sleep deprivation can have real, adverse effects on your health, including your ability to focus and concentrate.

Adults need a good 7 - 9 hours of sleep each night to function at optimal levels.

If you are not getting close to this amount, it may be the reason for difficulty in focusing.

No matter how much is on your plate, it is important to make sleep a priority for your own physical and mental health, and so you can be there for others when they need you as well.


4. Tame the Technology


Yes, technology is everywhere and yes, it may seem next to impossible, but finding ways to keep your devices at a distance for short periods can be done!

It's very difficult for even the most disciplined among us to concentrate with the constant “ping” of email notifications or pops from Facebook messages constantly sounding off.

Silence your devices or remove them entirely for at least 15 - 30 minutes at a time.

If you are awaiting something specific (and truly important), allow yourself to check every 15 minutes for that notification only, if you must.

It may be a shocking thought, but your life and the lives of those around you will not cease to function in the temporary absence of technology. Seriously.


5. Prioritize


When there are many tasks to accomplish, it's easy to begin to feel overwhelmed and at a loss of even where to start.

This is when you know that things are getting out of hand and a plan of action is required. It may be difficult, but take the time to sit down and prioritize all that you have to do.

Place your most critical, I-have-to-get-this-done-no-matter-what tasks at the top.

Be honest about what is really important and what is not. Is there anything you can eliminate all together?

You may be surprised to find out that certain things are not as urgent as you thought. Then, begin with the top of your list.

Finishing up high priority things can give you a sense of relief that will help carry you through your other tasks.


6. Break Down Tasks into Smaller Segments


Similar to the point above, sometimes we have a large task that is so complex, it leaves us wondering how to get started and how we'll ever finish it all.

If you break down that large task into smaller, more easily achievable ones, it can give you some momentum as you check them off your list.

For instance, if you are in charge of planning the entire office party, you could break it down into smaller tasks such as - write the email invitation, reserve the venue, contact and confirm entertainment, finalize the menu, etc.

With each task that you are able to accomplish, you'll move closer and closer to finishing it as a whole. Besides, six check marks feels better than just one, especially after that much work!


7. Conquer One Task at a Time


Nothing can make you feel overwhelmed faster than trying to do several things all at once.

While the ability to multitask is a beneficial one and sometimes necessary, it is not always in your best interest to approach your to-do list that way.

Choose your highest priority task and dive into that, knowing you'll tackle other projects when you're done.

By focusing on one specific task, you'll be less distracted by all the other things you're trying to get done.

It may be difficult to put other things out of your mind at first; place visual reminders around you if you must, but once you finish the task - you're done!

Let that feeling of accomplishment spur you on to the next one.


8. Create a Distraction-Free Workplace


Whether you are working at a desk, a kitchen table, an office or your backyard, remove as many distractions as possible from the area in which you will be working.

This includes cell phones, tablets or music - only if it distracts you; sometimes instrumental music or "white noise" can be helpful in drowning out other distracting noises.

Check over the area where you are working and see if there's anything else that causes you to lose focus and remove it if possible.

While you can't always control what might pop into your mind, you can control (usually) the environment you work in so that you don't set yourself up for distractions before you even begin.


9. Reward Yourself


Despite what you may think, this is not a Kindergarten tactic. Hard work deserves an incentive and sometimes that's all it takes to give you enough extra motivation to get the job done.

What that incentive is can be totally up to you, but don't make it something that will sabotage another area of your life.

For instance, don't reward yourself with cheesecake if you're trying to eat healthier or lose weight.

Don't take a trip to the mall if you struggle to balance your budget each month. Make the reward appropriate to the task.

It doesn't have to be large or expensive, either. Watching a movie you've been wanting to see would be a welcome treat after finishing a tedious inventory report. Sometimes it only takes a little light in the distance to keep us moving forward.

Changing the way you work and approach tasks can be difficult at first and may take some time.

But this is time worth investing, and investing it now can lead to big payoffs in the future.

Once you are in the habit of working better, it will become second nature to you and finishing your to-do list won't be just a dream anymore.

But don't try to do it all at once.

Trying to implement all nine of these tips at once could be overwhelming.

Choose one or two of them to work on at a time.

If lack of sleep is dragging you down, work in more sleep 15 minutes at a time until you're up to where you should be.

If technology runs your life, start taking tech breaks for even a few minutes at a time to get used to the idea.

You may be surprised to find out that you enjoy this new kind of freedom!

However you choose to approach it, remember the goal is to improve focus and, therefore, productivity in your life.

The cure shouldn't be more stressful than the task, so if something seems to add more frustration than relieve it, move on to the next one.

This is an investment in yourself, so give it time.

Improved focus and concentration has infinitely valuable benefits.

It helps us to reduce stress (promoting longer and better quality life and health), build momentum (to propel us ever forward), “plug in” to what we're doing (increasing our engagement and satisfaction), attract more and better opportunities for what we desire, and improve our thinking and abilities to make better decisions.

Soon you'll find a balance that works for you and one that will help to improve your concentration, keep you focused and on task, and bring a higher quality of life to your daily routine.

And that is an investment worth making.

Do you have problems with focus and concentration? Let me know in the comments. And if you have friends, family or just someone you know that would benefit from this post in their personal journey, share this with them. Thanks!


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Posted by on Apr 17, 2017 in Self Confidence, Self Improvement

9 Self Confidence Building Tips for Women: How to Gain Assurance in 14 Days or Less

9 Self Confidence Building Tips for Women: How to Gain Assurance in 14 Days or LessUpdated: February 9, 2018

It's a troubling thought isn't it...

You've got a dirty little secret you're hiding from everyone.

On the outside, you appear to have it all together. You're living your life, taking care of your family, hanging with your girls, handling your business.

No one would suspect there's a nasty problem hovering over the edges of your life.

But there it is. And no matter what you do to try to hide it, you just can't seem to make it go away.

The problem?

You don't believe in you.

You lack self confidence.

Oh, you say all the right things, and you've got plenty attitude. But deep down, on the inside where we get to the real "real"...

You're a hot mess. An enormous, twisted, mixed up ball of insecurity.

And you're afraid someone's going to discover it, and when they do, they'll expose your secret and the whole world will know you're not the person you claim to be.

So how do you stop pretending? How do you actually become the self confident person you claim to be?

Fortunately confidence is learned. It's not something we're born with. So if you lack self confidence, it's something you can fix.

And how do we fix it? By adjusting our thinking and behaviors with consistency and repetition, until being confident becomes habit.

Following are tips you can use to increase self confidence in as little as the next 14 days. And as you practice and repeat them consistently, they will soon become a normal part of your thinking and behavior. Here they are:

9 Tips To Build Your Self Confidence


1. Own who you are.


Your thoughts, your opinions, your looks, your skin color, your decisions, your emotions, your actions, own them all.

Don't give anyone else credit or blame for who you are or how you feel.

Whether you realize it or not, whether you believe it or not, only you are responsible for how you show up in the world. And you are the only person who wields the power attached to that.

Recognize that you are powerful. You have authority in your circumstances. Use it.


2. Utilize your voice.


You have a unique voice, and there is power in speaking your truth. Speak up for yourself.

Stop waiting for someone speak for you or to speak up for you. Stop waiting for others to recognize you, to appreciate you, to value you, to reward you. Do those things for yourself.

And when you begin to do those things for yourself, it is then that others will begin to do them too.

If you dislike something that's going on in your life or the way you're being treated, neither of those things will change until you speak up.

If on the other hand, someone is kind or considerate or treats you in a way that's to your liking, they will never know it or know to repeat it unless you give voice to your joy and pleasure.

Use your voice. The more you give voice to what you want and need in your life, the more confident you'll become and the more often those things will begin to show up for you.


3. Strive to be better, always better.


Not perfect because perfection is an illusion and the hunt for it a time-stealer.

Work to be better; better than you were yesterday, better than your last idea, better than you can comfortably imagine, and be always building and improving and moving forward.


4. Be prepared.


Be ready when it's your turn in the spotlight or on the hot seat.

Whether it's an academic test, a professional presentation, a job or volunteer interview or an audition, do your work.

Then demonstrate that you know your stuff, or that you possess the skills or abilities needed or required for whatever the task may be.


5. Do what you think you can't or what you think you wouldn't.


In other words, Take a chance!

I can't tell you how many times that I've created lifetime experiences from opportunities to do something or be involved in something that I wouldn't normally do.

And those experiences and memories are some of the best of my life and will last me the rest of my life.

Be willing to experience something you might not be sure you'll like or think you might suck at, just for the experience of it.

You'll be surprised how much it will enrich your life, and at the level of confidence you'll gain from those moments.


6. Remember that the only measuring stick that matters is you.


Stop comparing yourself and your progress against others.

Your story and your life are unique to you. Measuring your life, your development and your advancement against someone else's just doesn't make sense.

Everyone's journey is completely unique, even when there exist similar experiences or circumstances.

How things come into your life, how you perceive information through your personal filter and experience, experience events, how you choose to act in any set of circumstances at any time, and the timing with which any or all of that takes place is unique to you and happens at a pace that is your own.

No two journeys are exactly alike. Your story is your own.

Think of it this way... Pebbles on the beach all look the same when viewed in a group. But upon closer inspection, it quickly becomes evident that no two pebbles are exactly alike.

Each one has been individually molded and shaped by wind and waves and water. Each is absolutely individual and unique, completely distinguishable from any other.

You can only truly measure your progress against yourself. Where were you yesterday, last month, last year, or five years ago.

Don't compare yourself or your journey against others, when you are like no other.


7. Expect setbacks and failures and be prepared to deal with them.


Don't allow the unexpected to catch you by surprise.

You may not be able to anticipate specific circumstances, just know that setbacks will come and always be as prepared as you can for their arrival.

This will give you confidence in situations which are uncertain.

You may not immediately foresee the outcome of your circumstances, but you will be able to be confident in knowing that whatever they are, you have the ability to meet your issues head on and overcome them.

When setbacks do show up, be prepared to deal with them in the best most efficient way, so that they can teach you what you need to know in the moment. Then move on.


8. Organize.


You may ask how getting organized helps you to boost your confidence.

Organization brings order to your life. By organizing you become more efficient, you eliminate waste become more productive.

Organization allows you to gain more control over your affairs. Which allows you to manage better, reduces stress in you life, allows you to manage your daily tasks and track your progress to meet your goals.

All of these things work together to spend less time stressing and working and to have more enjoyable time to do the things you want to do rather than be bogged down with the things you have to do.

And all of those things work together to increase your confidence.


9. Ask for the help you need.


So often when we are met with obstacles or challenges, we are reluctant to reveal our predicament for fear of appearing foolish or weak.

Or, we are reluctant to reveal our lack of knowledge of something because we feel we may be judged for what we don't know or we'll be made to feel stupid.

In both cases, what you're really allowing to happen is you're allowing pride and ego to rob you of the help you need to be and do better.

In this post we have outlined 9 Self Confidence Building Strategies for you to use to help build and improve your level of self confidence in as little as two weeks. They are:


9 Self Confidence Building Strategies


1. Own who you are.
2. Utilize your voice.
3. Strive to be better.
4. Be prepared.
5. Do what you think you can't or what you think you wouldn't.
6. Remember that the only measuring stick that matters is you.
7. Expect setbacks and failures and be prepared to deal with them.
8. Organize.
9. Ask for the help you need.


At the end of the day, confidence is a state of mind. It's the act of you standing in your truth and being willing to own it; the beautiful as well as the woolly parts, the sharp as well as the smooth edges. All of it. All of you. And being cool with that.

Are you wrestling with issues of self confidence? How have you worked to overcome your confidence issues? Let me know in the comments. If you like this post, please share it with your family and friends. Thanks! You're Awesome!


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Posted by on Apr 10, 2017 in Anxiety, Self Improvement

6 Clever Hacks Every Introverted Girl Should Know for Overcoming Anxiety of Meeting New People

6 Clever Hacks Every Introverted Girl Should Know for Overcoming Anxiety of Meeting New People

Updated: February 9, 2018

Whether you're naturally shy, unconfident or self-conscious, or social situations make you nervous because you seek validation from others and you have a problem overcoming anxiety of meeting new people, this article is for you.

I get it.

When placed in new or unfamiliar situations and conversations with people you don't know, you're afraid of getting tongue-tied, saying something stupid or out of context, doing something stupid, not presenting yourself appropriately or otherwise embarrassing yourself.

Or you're afraid of being scrutinized or unfairly judged by people who either don't know you or don't know you well.

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.

I've struggled for most of my life in similar situations because I'm an introvert.

Fortunately becoming comfortable or at least less uncomfortable or anxiety-ridden in social situations is behavior that can be easily learned, and practice makes perfect.

I have learned, and learned to make use of a number of tactics and strategies to help me to cope or overcome my issues.

You can do the same.

Here are six clever hacks that have helped me. Now you can use them to overcome your anxiety of meeting new people.

6 Simple But Powerful Tips for Overcoming Anxiety When Meeting New People


1. When meeting someone new or a group of new people, be the conversation-starter.


Often our anxiety about meeting new people centers around our concerns of whether we will be knowledgeable about the topics of conversation, and/or our ability to participate in conversations in a meaningful way.

But if we start the conversation, we can ensure that (at least in the beginning when things are usually most uncomfortable or awkward) we know what the topic is about, and we can choose a topic we are proficient in and comfortable with.


2. If you're attending a group social situation (such as a "meet and greet") alone and you don't know anyone else there, stop by the refreshment table first and get something to drink.


This allows you time to casually observe your surroundings and get a read on the atmosphere of the room; to get your bearings.

Allow yourself a few minutes time to begin to feel more comfortable.

Scope the room and find an individual or a small group of people that looks friendly or interesting.

Once you've picked them out, walk directly up to the group and (after politely listening and waiting for a pause in their conversation, or an invitation) introduce yourself.

If they seem open and willing to make room for you to join in, become a part of their conversation (make a comment or ask a question based on what you previously heard). Or, start a new conversation with them (which again, allows you a little more control of subject matter and sense of ease).


3. Be a good listener.


If you are faced with meeting a new person or a group of strangers, one of your best weapons against the stress and anxiety the situation may bring is to be an excellent listener.

This can be an extremely useful tool for dissipating anxiety in two different ways.

First, if you're in a situation where you are well acquainted with the subject of conversation, listening well will allow you to identify opportunities to become engaged in the conversation and contribute to the discussion in a positive, productive and meaningful way.

In doing so, the other individuals involved in the conversation will take notice, and begin to form a positive first impression of you.

If on the other hand, you are not familiar with or well versed in the topic of conversation, being a good listener will allow you to see opportunities where you can be inquisitive and ask relevant, thoughtful questions.

This will give other s engaged in the conversation and opportunity to share their knowledge and expertise.

The result will be that their confidence will be boosted, they will appreciate being given the opportunity to share, and they will appreciate your interest and attentiveness.


4. Search for common ground.


When you meet people and find you have things in common, your attitude toward them immediately changes.

You feel more comfortable, and they're also at ease. Sometimes within a very short period, it can seem like you're old friends.

Whether you're meeting one person or a group of people for the first time, search for what you have in common.

Listen and ask questions (without overstepping social norms and being intrusive or getting too personal). Find as many things as possible that you have in common.

In doing so, you'll begin to feel comfortable and at ease, and the individuals or group of individuals with whom you are interacting will begin to relax as well.

Not only will this relieve any stress you may be feeling and make conversation enjoyable, it could very well become the basis for forming new friendships and/or business relationships.



5. Adopt an attitude of "C'est la vie!"


That's Life! You aren't a perfect being, you exist in an imperfect world and "stuff" happens.

Most things in life are beyond our control no matter how we try to convince ourselves otherwise.

That means that sometimes the unexpected happens or mistakes are made.

So far, the world hasn't come to an end.

So just accept the fact that in your interactions with people sometimes things go wrong, and if they do, It's Okay!

You're okay and you'll be fine.

It'll be a very small bump in the road, or maybe a funny story you can add to your conversation arsenal.

Just let go of the notion that things have to be perfect, and if they're not, something horrible will be the result.

Things are rarely if ever perfect, so don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself that you have to be perfect when meeting new people or they'll hate you. They won't.


6. Stop focusing on yourself and instead get excited about the possibilities of meeting new people and developing new and interesting relationships.


Whether you're working to improve yourself, change your career, your life or your situation, expand your circle of friends or influence, or grow a business, the common key to success in all of those things is personal relationships.

So when you're faced with a situation where you'll be meeting new people, don't obsess over yourself.

Instead, get excited about the many opportunities you'll have to make new contacts, gather new stories and information that can help you, and the ways that your potential interactions may enhance your life.

Then, instead of stress and anxiety, you can at the very least experience nervous excitement.

That emotion puts you in a different, more positive mental space that leads to better, more fruitful results.

And there you have them.

Six Clever Hacks Every Introverted Girl Should Know for Overcoming Anxiety of Meeting New People


If you have a story about overcoming anxiety when meeting new people, please share in the comments.

And, if you like this post, please share it with your family and friends. Thanks! You're awesome!





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Posted by on Apr 6, 2017 in Personal Development, Self Improvement

5 Reasons You May Be Seeking Validation from Others…And Why You Don’t Need It

5 Reasons You May Seek Validation from Others And Why You Don't Need It

Most of us, at one time or another find ourselves seeking validation from others.

Whether on the job, in relationships, while going through stages of self improvement or in response to how we look and how we present ourselves, we have looked to others for the reassurance that we're doing the right thing or have made right choices.

And, while it's certainly not wrong to receive input from others, especially a trusted circle of family or friends, we sometimes learn to depend on this validation entirely in order to function or move forward.

This can lead to a dependence that is not beneficial for you or others and can possibly be detrimental down the road.

What is validation, exactly?

Simply put, it's approval or confirmation from others - hearing that we've done a good job or made a right choice or done the right thing. This can cover a wide range of subjects or circumstances in our lives, from selecting a hair color to making a career choice, but it is basically seeking approval outside yourself.

This input can be a good thing, but it becomes a problem if it is the only way we can feel confident in ourselves and our life choices.

So, why do we seek this validation from others? It may be any one of the following reasons:


5 Reasons For Seeking Validation From Others


1. Lack of Self-Confidence

We've all been there. About to take on a new task or move in a new direction and suddenly you feel like you're in way over your head. You'll never make it. You're crazy for even trying.

It's a terrible, and sometimes frightening, feeling and sometimes all we need is a word from a friend letting us know that we can do it.

We are capable and not crazy.

Encouragement of this sort is fine when needed, but if you cannot make a decision without it, there's a problem.

It may be that your belief in your own abilities has dropped to a point where you can't even make a decision on your own, let alone carry it out.

A severe lack of self-confidence can be almost paralyzing and cause us to reach out for validation for even the simplest tasks.


2. Need for Acceptance

We all need acceptance - reassurance that we are loved and cared for by others, regardless of what we do or decide.

Sometimes, however, this need can escalate to the point where we can't function well without a high level of constant reassurance of this acceptance.

Often, this is rooted in rejection of some kind in our past and can be a difficult thing to overcome.

But, relying on others to fulfill this need in you is often setting yourself up for disappointment.

It's necessary to know and accept yourself first, before depending on receiving that acceptance from others.


3. Sense of Worth

Somewhat related to self-confidence, seeking validation to obtain a sense of self-worth is not uncommon, but it's not healthy, either.

Needing a sense of self-worth, however, goes much deeper than simply lacking confidence.

How much we value ourselves can determine our very motivation for living.

If you feel that you have little or no worth except for what others tell you that you have, you may feel like “Why even bother”?

The truth is, if this is your consistent state of mind, there won't be enough validation in the world to make you feel worthy as a person. A healthy sense of self-worth begins with you.


4. Sense of Identity

Life can be very confusing at times.

These days with all the choices we have to make, as well as all the constant input and influence of the media telling us what we should and shouldn't be, it can be easy to lose your identity in the very process of trying to find it.

When this happens, we sometimes try to establish that identity through others.

If we find validation in certain areas, then this must be who we are, right?

Not necessarily.

This can be a dangerous context because without a definite sense of your own identity, you can be led down paths that aren't right for you; that may even prove harmful to you as well.


5. Overall Affirmation

It may seem to be splitting hairs here, but there is a distinction between affirmation and a sense of worth or confidence.

Seeking validation for affirmation is needing someone to tell you that you are okay and life is okay and everything else going to be okay.

Sometimes this is secretly a desire for approval of wrong choices, feeling that if someone else thinks this choice is okay, then it must be the right thing.

But, often, it is a lack of inner peace and rest that requires constant calming through the validation of others.


If any of these situations sound like you, don't worry - you're not alone. But even though you're not alone, this is not a place you want to stay.

As much as you may think validation from others is necessary, it truly is not. You don't need it to be strong and successful.

True validation begins within you.

It is important to be completely honest with yourself and find the root of your desire for validation.

Only then will you be able to address it, conquer it and move on.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened to you in the past, you are here today as living proof that you are a strong survivor.

Your life is precious and unique and you fill a place in this world that no one else can fill.

You have gifts and abilities that are unique to you, and a circle of influence that no one else in the world can reach.

Your very existence is validation of the value of your life.

And if you're still here, there is still a purpose to be fulfilled.

Seek out your purpose, remember your worth, and let that give you a new vision and new motivation to carry you throughout your life.

When you are free from depending on others to determine your value, you are truly free to pursue all that life has to offer.

Do you struggle with seeking validation from others? If so, let me know in the comments. If you like this post, please share it with your friends and family. Thanks! You're Awesome!

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