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Posted by on Aug 11, 2018 in How To Get Unstuck, Personal Growth, Self Improvement, Success

12 Limiting Beliefs You Must Abandon Now to Reach Your Breakthrough

african american woman in field - limiting beliefs

 

The Bad News: Limiting Beliefs Are Blocking Your Success.
The Good News: You Can Fix It.

 

I'm not good enough. I am not as smart, beautiful, or successful as... I can’t.

I’m sure you've told yourself those (or similar) things at some point in life – I have.

These limiting beliefs are the reason many of us feel stuck wherever we are.

We’re supposed to be our own biggest cheerleaders, but it’s easy to become our most powerful enemies, blocking ourselves from achieving our real potential.

Mid-century American journalist and author Mignon McLaughlin once said, “Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers.”

That’s the thing... as women, we are powerful. We create and nurture our families, we multi-task, we create Pinterest-worthy living rooms on thrift store budgets – and yet at the same time, we also have the power to make ourselves feel powerless.

To reach our potential and to become the women we’ve always wanted to be – at any age -- we must first overcome limiting beliefs.

It's only then we are able to aggressively pursue the path to success.

I know. It's easier said than done.

Limiting Beliefs. They’re the ideas and beliefs we hold onto, but that constrain us. They hold us back, hamper us from progressing, and prevent us living up to our potential.

And limiting beliefs are a part of the negative monologue we replay in our heads.

They clip our wings.

These beliefs begin in childhood, and are developed over time.

They form in different ways, but commonly by our holding onto negative thought patterns, opinions and comments of others relative to ourselves, or by taking what often amounts to one negative experience and cementing it as our new normal.

Forming limiting beliefs is an internally damaging way of making your flaws, even (and sometimes especially) imagined ones, the truth of who you are.

Then constantly repaying those flaws or negative experiences on a mental loop when you are faced with unfamiliar situations, taking risks or trying something new.

Most women have a set of limiting beliefs ranging from a mild form of protective discouragement to the much more extremes of pure self-hatred.

Regardless of how long you’ve cultivated them, limiting beliefs do not have to be your reality.

Developing methods of identifying and circumventing these negative thought patterns and monologues is a critical step in building a healthy self-image and helping you to live a life you deem successful.

Surprisingly enough, we have common limiting beliefs. Following is a list of nine quite common limiting beliefs that stop us from achieving our true potential along with some helpful tips for overcoming them. Some you may recognize from your own experience, .

sunlight through woods - limiting beliefs

 

Twelve Common Limiting Beliefs and
What You Can Do About Them

 

1. I don’t have enough (time/money/resources…etc.)

Focusing on what you don’t have is easy - if we’re being honest with ourselves, we’d all be happier with a little more time on our hands, cash in our wallets, and so on. Most of the top ten limiting beliefs focus on what we don’t have.

But it’s easy to focus on what you don’t have.

Take a moment to express gratitude for what you have, then move forward out of that comfort zone of concentrating on what you lack.

Make the time. Use the resources you already have to get more money (whether it's putting yourself in position to get or request a raise, actively seeking better-paying job, starting a side-hustle etc.), to gain additional skills, to better manage your time, to become the person you ultimately want to be.

2. It’s too late

At the end of the day – especially in the age of social media – it’s so easy to compare ourselves against others' accomplishments. This makes the notion of “too late” one of the most common limiting beliefs, but it’s a limiting belief we can overcome.

Maybe you grew up with a mother who constantly reminded you that your biological clock is ticking.

Maybe you've found something you’re passionate about later in life and feel overwhelmed by the steps it would take to turn that passion into a career...

Women are especially sensitive to “watching the clock” in terms of how old we are and how much less time we think we have to accomplish the things we'd like, compared to someone who is younger.

Society conditions us that way.

We’re surrounded by images of youth as a symbol for women’s health and importance - a system which is not only unfair, but extremely negative and harmful.

By the time we're 25, others often feel the need to remind us that we had better get a move on.

Find the career, get married, have kids, acquire a nice house . And don’t forget to hide any wrinkles, blemishes, gray hairs, or other imperfections flawlessly while you’re at it.

As women, we tend to fall straight out of our teen-aged years and young adulthood into a vast limbo between “not that young” and “not yet elderly”.

In the rush, many of us lose track of what really brings meaning to our lives.

By the time we rediscover them again, the “It’s too late” voice comes through loud and clear.

“I always wanted to be an artist but…”
“I always wanted to spend a year traveling but…”
“I wish I could study law but…”
“I wanted to be trilingual but…”

While the “It’s Too Late” belief acknowledges that we want more for ourselves, it sets us up against time as the enemy.

“You can’t have it because there isn’t enough time, “ is an illogical statement.

If you are alive, you still have time.

If you’re alive, it's not too late.

Managing new goals and learning new things later in life may have added challenges, but there are added advantages as well.

You have the grace of hard earned wisdom to guide your choices.

You have the balance of knowing what does and does not make you feel good.

You’re not too late.

3. I am not as good as...

Feeling a lack of self-worth in comparison with others.

This is a belief many people struggle with regardless of gender or age.

It’s a belief you pick up the first time you’re picked last for a team in gym class or the first time everyone pays more attention to your best friend than you at a party.

Unfortunately, it follows us from childhood into adulthood.

Feeling less worthy or valuable in comparison to our peers turns into feeling less valuable in the workplace and at home.

“I’m not as good of a mother as my sister is”
“I’m not as good as he is at giving presentations”
“I’m not as fun of a wife as-”
“I’m not as good of a writer as the guy doing the main story”

These negative thoughts are fueled by insecurity and can become a hindrance to performing to the best of your ability at work or at home.

If you’re spending your energy reminding yourself that someone else can do things better, you’re not using that energy toward your own best efforts.

What results is that your beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy. They take your attention and presence out of the situation, and you fail to operate at your maximum proficiency.

What's important to remember in these situations is that each of us is an individual, and thus we have different strengths and weaknesses.

Instead of focusing on how you stack up against the strengths of others, remind yourself of your own strengths.

“I’m not as good at giving presentations” can turn into “I’m a quick learner. I can easily learn how to speak more effectively.”

“I’m not as good a mother as my sister” can turn into “I’m a very dedicated mother, therefore I can learn to better listen to what my kids have to say”.

Change the narrative of your limiting belief to highlight what makes you qualified and create real solutions. It’s a much better use of your time and energy.

 

woman in window - limiting beliefs

4. I don’t know who I am (anymore)

For women, this is a very common limiting belief.

It’s easy to get lost in our responsibilities – career, family, relationships.

To overcome this limiting belief, make the time and the effort to take some time for yourself. Meditate on where you are now, consider what are your core values and beliefs, and what it is you want from your life.

5. I already tried

We’ve all heard the saying “once bitten, twice shy.”

It’s a true as they come.

Once we’ve experienced negative results to an endeavor, we're hesitant to venture into that territory again.

It’s a protective measure of our inner self to shield us from pain and disappointment.

But pain and disappointment are often important parts of our developing as a person.

Trying and failing happens to everyone, and by no means makes us failures.

“I already tried to get a book published and it didn't work out”
“I’ve already been married and it didn’t work out. I don’t want to go through that again”
“I tried to finish college, but it didn’t happen. I don’t see the point in going back”

These statements are half-truths followed by a barrier. You acknowledge that you tried something new, but immediately bar yourself from trying it again.

Without trial and error, we don’t grow - we don’t learn and evolve.

Instead of not trying something again, identify a lesson in each failure and use it as a stepping stone for the next attempt.

“I will make sure to avoid these red flags in future relationships and find someone who really wants to grow with me.”

“I had an issue dedicating the time I needed to studying in college. This time around, I will make certain to manage my time more efficiently.”

Identifying what aspect of the last attempt did not work and developing a new plan of action is the best way to combat the “I Already Tried” belief.

Explore your failures or negative experiences, no matter how severe, learn what you can from them that will be helpful in the future, then learn to let them go.

6. I’ll be judged

Let’s take a page from the playbooks of two contemporary and empowered women: Oprah and Beyonce.

As each has grown in age, womanhood, and her career, she has become more and more of herself, unapologetically.

In turn, her authenticity draws people to her.

Of course, it also serves as a magnet for people interested criticizing her every outfit, life choice, and career moves.

Does either Oprah or Beyonce care? Maybe, but I sincerely doubt it.

Does it stop her? Absolutely not.

Being afraid of what others might think is a common limiting belief but being true to yourself will make you more confident, more empowered – more like Beyonce.

7. I have never been good at.../ I am not good at...

When looking at gender differences in math and science, for many women, there is a perception that they simply cannot be good at math.

For me, higher math was the bane of my existence in high school and throughout my entire college career.

I was never good at it in school, and avoided it like the plague as an adult.

For women, this limiting belief is one of the most damaging.

It functions as an excuse for ignorance and poor performance, keeping untold young girls from pursuing successful and often lucrative careers as scientists, computer technologists and engineers, as well as mathematicians.

“I was never good at math, so I can't pursue technical studies.”
“I have never been good at telling significant others how I feel, that’s just me.”
“I’m not good driver, so I don’t drive on trips.”

These statements acknowledge a flaw or weakness, and then bolster it as a valid limitation. As if nothing can be done to change or overcome it.

Living with these kinds of beliefs can keep you from performing at your best , and diminish you as an asset to those around you.

Identifying our weaknesses is actually a good thing. Of all people, we should know our weaknesses and true limitations.

However, we should not allow our weaknesses to be limitations when we're perfectly able to do something about it.

“I have never been good at telling significant others how I feel, but I’m working on being much better at communicating this time around.”

“I’m not the best driver, so I signed up to take a driving refresher course.”

Instead of turning deficiencies into a mental block, use them as a reason to learn something new.

8. I can’t pull off...

This is a vanity belief, or the exact opposite of one.

Immediately counting yourself out of fashionable trends and styles that interest you only assures that you won’t find a renewed confidence in yourself.

"I can't wear pink, it doesn't look good on me."
"I've always wanted to try that eyeliner, but I can't pull it off."
"I love some of these sun dresses, but I'm not a dress person."

For some of us, there are set boundaries in our heads that develop after a questionable or bad experience.

This is equally true with what we perceive as possible with regard to our physical appearance (age) and wearing stylish clothes.

Does that mean you should go out and buy the same outfit your teen-aged niece wears?

Obviously not.

But don't wall yourself into a set look or a set way of being, when other things interest you.

If you've always been a laid-back dresser and suddenly you feel like dressing up a little - do it!

Your physical appearance (age) does not have to be a hindrance to looking fashionable or stylish.

Don't count yourself out of finding a look that makes you happy before giving yourself the opportunity to experiment with a variety of fabrics, styles and looks that appeal to you and learning what helps you to look and feel your best.

 

women cocktails - limiting beliefs

9. They don't want me

When the voice in your head convinces you that you're unwanted or don't fit in, it can cause self-isolation that is both damaging to your self-esteem and to your relationships.

It can happen in a variety of situations - in romantic relationships, friendships, family situations, and even with simple acquaintances.

"All of the mom's in PTA sit together at the games, but I don't think they want me over there."
"My coworkers go to happy hour every week, but I'm sure they wouldn't want me to come."
"The guy who approached me and my friend at the party is nice, but he definitely didn't come over for me."
"They're hiring for a position I'm really interested in, but I'm sure they want somebody different than me."

Counting yourself out before you begin guarantees that you miss out on opportunities and experiences you may well have enjoyed and benefited from.

Even if you are not typically an assertive person, it's possible to navigate inclusion without being pushy.

Strike up a conversation, say “hello”, let someone know you're interested in an opportunity or want to be a part of a group.

Don't sideline yourself in your own life, and don't assume you know the minds of others whom you may mistakenly believe don't want to consider or include you.

Remember that you have something to offer the world, and removing yourself from opportunities before you can be considered for them deprives those around you from what could be a meaningful and beneficial partnership for you both.

10. I am less valid

This is a particularly difficult limiting belief to navigate. Feeling invalidated, or of somehow less importance or significance than those around you, strips you of the very basic sense of belonging within the human experience.

Self-esteem and more importantly self-worth are critical components to your sense of well-being.

"I want to share at the club meeting, but I've never gone through anything as meaningful as some of the others in the group, so I don't."
"I'm in a bad place right now, but my friends have more important things to do than to worry over me."
"I'm uncomfortable with this person's behavior at work, but she's an important person and I'm just administrative support, so I'll just have to deal with it."

Realize that you have a story, you have an experience, you have a point of view.

These are things that every human being gets.

While you may not have it as good or as bad as some others, that does not make your story any less real , significant or valid.

Expressing yourself and seeking support when you need it is not a selfish thing to do, so long as it's done in a way that is mindful of those around you.

You may know that someone in your workplace is disrespectful to you and to other coworkers who have chosen not to say anything.

But that does not negate the discomfort you feel.

Your unique experience is valid and real.

Others experiencing different (or worse) conflict than you without speaking up does not mean you did not experience your own conflict.

This limiting belief of feeling less valid can be one of the most harmful.

It keeps women from reporting situations of abuse and harassment and seeking the help they may need in order to put an end to bad behavior and heal.

Remember that what you experience and feel is just as valid as any others' experience.

Pain and difficulty are not a contest.

What you're going through in no way diminishes the experience of others, nor what they experience should diminish yours.

Everyone is valuable regardless of situation or circumstance, and all have a right to feel safe and be heard.

woman in dark walkway - limiting beliefs

 

11. I always do this

When a negative behavior becomes a pattern, we can sometimes turn it into an excuse for why we do not change.

"I know I shouldn't yell at him, but I always do when I'm stressed out. He knows I don't mean it."
"I'm always late, everyone who knows me expects it by now."
"I'm a jealous girlfriend, I've always been like that."

Accepting poor behavior as a part of your character limits you from growing as a person.

Part of adult life is responsibility.

Taking responsibility for your actions and behaviors and working to keep them from hurting those around you is an important step in being a good friend, partner, coworker, and family member.

While it may be difficult to break habits, taking gradual steps to improve a little at a time will change your behavior as a whole.

Instead of lashing out when you feel upset or jealous of a partner's activities, remind yourself that while your emotions may be natural, using them as an excuse to say or do hurtful things is not okay.

If you're always late for work, start by waking up 3 minutes earlier every day, then 5, then 10 until you've reset your inner clock to be on time.

Changing this belief is not easy, but it is an important step in being the best version of yourself.

12. I deserved this (negative consequence or punishment)

When we mess up, even in a big way, there is sometimes a piece of ourselves that never lets the event go - even long after those around you have.

"I cheated on my last boyfriend, so I guess I deserve it when my new man doesn't respect me in the way I'd like."
"I was such a brat to my parents growing up, so I guess I deserve to have such a difficult time with my son"
"I didn't listen when my parents told me not to marry him, and now look at how unhappy I am"

This belief, that you deserve bad things, limits your ability to process and ultimately deal with the adversity we face in a healthy way.

Assuming that karma or fate are the cause of your unhappiness functions as an excuse.

If you deserved it, there's not much you can do to fix it.

This is inherently wrong.

Cheating on someone in the past is a terrible thing to do, but that does not mean that you deserve to be in a relationship that harms you or is demeaning to you.

Learn from your mistake, and take yourself out of a situation that is unhealthy.

If you believe another person's bad behavior is recompense for the way you've behaved, it guarantees that you won't effectively communicate your concerns and try to find solutions.

Try considering the circumstances and lessons from your past experience and apply it to what is happening now.

Perhaps after your relationship experience, you learned that relationships need honesty and trust to be healthy.

Is there honesty and trust in your current relationship?

If not, what are you willing and prepared to do to solve the problem?

If you were a problem child who now has problem children, consider what actions and advice got through to your younger self?

What methods of discipline did not work?

Identifying what did and did not help your relationship with your parents can lend some insight into how to communicate with your kids.

They say history repeats itself for those who don't learn from it.

Instead of thinking the negatives in your life are karmic punishment, focus on what you've learned and how you can apply it to better your life now.

 

blue sky cloudscape - limiting beliefs

 

Limiting beliefs are something we create. They stand between you and all of the amazing things you can do, and be, and can accomplish.

Don’t stand in your own way. Don’t let the mental blocks keep you from finding a path that immensely enhances your life.

By not merely keeping those limiting thoughts in check, but truly eliminating them, your life becomes fuller, and your unique experience deeper, sweeter, brighter, and brimming with possibilities.

Anything is possible.

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Posted by on Jul 28, 2018 in Motivation, Self Improvement

What Motivates You? – (How to Get to the Life You Want)

go up and never stop - what motivates you

 

Here’s to motivation!

So the question of for today is...

 

What Motivates You In Life?

 

Hello Ladies.

While I know you’re the stuff of heroes (or heroines?) and you're highly motivated to fight the challenges you’re facing, I really want to know what motivates you.

Motivation, the force that drives us forward; something that enables us to rise and shine each and every day; something that defines our goals and makes us focus them, has long fascinated me.

All of us are driven by motivators or drivers of some sort - from creativity to learning, to family and fun, to challenge and problem solving.

And while each and every person is as unique as a snowflake, we all do share fundamental drivers.

However, the nuances in a person’s specific nature depend on which of these specific motivators are most important to you.

As an example, let’s relate it to the way DNA shapes each person.

Each and every one of the billions of DNA strands on Earth contain the same basic building blocks, but what sets each one of us apart as a distinct human being is the way our genes are sequenced.

People who grew up in the same household, those having the same educational degree, or people in the same profession will have different drivers in life.

The more we live in alignment with our motivators, the happier and more fulfilled we’ll naturally be.

We differ enormously in what makes us happy in life.

For some of us success in our chosen profession or a sense of accomplishment in establishing and growing a family are our greatest sources of happiness, but for others competition, winning or being successful social “up and comers” is more satisfying.

To put it succinctly, what motivates me will probably not be quite the same thing that motivates you.

"One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire." - John W Foster

So what is it that motivates you to succeed in life?

 

standing at mountain top - what motivates you

 

What Motivates Us to Succeed in Life?

 

As humans, most of us are driven by one or a combination of the following:

  • Ambition
  • Independence - To feel in charge of your own life
  • A desire to be the best
  • Helping others
  • Recognition
  • Passion
  • Making a difference
  • Love
  • Winning and competition
  • Money and rewards
  • Status/Power/Prestige/Fame

In an age where materialistic things are so much the focus, some of us may be driven solely by desires based on getting or having material things, while others of us are much more influenced by our values, sense of or desire to do good and moral upbringing.

Or, we may have a bit of both elements (material and non-materially based desires) to motivate us and manifest our goals into reality.

Regardless of what motivates us to take action, when we’re motivated we all have an intrinsic desire to achieve what we’ve defined for ourselves as “being our best”.

That intrinsic desire is what makes us strive for improvement in our personal or professional life.

For example, if we have made a decision to lose weight, each day we’re accompanied by a level of consciousness to make the best choices in what we eat, what we drink, the kind of exercise we do, and the amount of sleep we get.

In other words, we reset our mind to choose the option of the highest possible level to achieve our personal best.

 

ever tried ever failed - what motivates you

 

But are we achieving our personal best?

 

With women especially, we face issues stemming from feelings of not being valued and heard that causes us to be unmotivated (and discouraged) and emotionally disengaged. In some cases, due to these and other factors, we may not feel good about our lives. We may instead feel .…

  • That we’ve lost our creativity, enthusiasm and joy for life
  • That we’ve mentally and emotionally “lost our edge”
  • That our excitement for life has gone
  • That we’re unproductive and unfulfilled
  • That we’re immersed in under-achievement
  • That there’s more to us than anyone ever sees
  • That we’re weighed down and on the verge of giving up
  • That we’re tired and have had enough
  • That we’re fed up with the routine of a “ho-hum” existence and want to start living a more exciting life
  • That question more we can do with our life?

 

do something great neon sign - what motivates you

 

Find Your Path by Discovering What Motivates You

 

The truth is the “down” moments of life may have so strained your emotions and depleted your motivational supply and reserve that you're left feeling empty and drained.

But the fact is that in addition to being a burden on your vitality, the down times have made you wiser and stronger.

Those down moments are also an indication that you need to set (or reset) your priorities from scratch, that you need to remember or redefine your goals, and that you need to value your needs too.

They indicate that it’s time for you to evaluate who and what is consuming your time and energy, and determine whether these people and situations are helping and promoting your best interests.

Are they really your responsibilities or not, and how can you take responsibility of your own life?

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice." - Wayne Dyer

Things to do:

  • Find meaning in what you do.
  • Determine what drives you to keep going.
  • Identify what matters most to you in your daily struggle to achieve, and why.
  • Identify your strengths

Do it the fun way – solve a ‘what motivates you quiz’

“If we do not learn to motivate ourselves, the external motivation that we receive is useless.” - Bernardo Stamateas

 

wall inscription punch today in the face - what motivates you

 

Boost Your Motivation

 

  • Make sure to get up quickly from pain.
  • Don’t allow your dreams to remain fictional. Visualize them to propel yourself towards achieving them.
  • Continuously improve.
  • Instead of being a slave to your routine try something new every day.

“The secret of personal motivation can be summed up in four Cs: curiosity, confidence, courage and certainty.” -Walt Disney

 

pink be happy sign - what motivates you

 

Wrapping Up:

 

To achieve remarkable success in life, we must find out what motivates us in life.

Once we discover that, we must pursue it with the utmost tenacity and determination.

“Motivation is like bathing, you have to do it every day.” – Zig Ziglar –

Determining what motivates you is key.

Remember, having and enjoying the life you envision is largely up to you.

You are your own best champion.

Nobody else cares more or is in a position to do better on your behalf than you.

Stop waiting for your knight. Be your own best warrior!

Love and Peace!

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Posted by on Jul 21, 2018 in Self Improvement, Success

13 Tips To Discover How To Learn Something New Everyday (And Why You Should)

happy woman - how to learn something new

“Life moves quickly and what you learned yesterday is not adequate for tomorrow. If you're seeking to change your life for the better, you have to continually learn new things and then do something new.”
(Author: Kimberly Clay)

 

How To Learn Something New Everyday

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If you could do something everyday for just a few minutes a day that would make you happier and make your life better you'd do it, wouldn't you?

Of course you would. And you can.

So what is it that you can do to make you both happier and improve you life at the same time?

You can learn something new everyday.

It can be as simple as learning a new fact, discovering a new method for completing a task better or more efficiently, to learning a new language and opening an incredible door to the potential for building new relationships, experiencing new cultures or traveling to new and distant places!

While the discipline and structure of routine is important and comforting in keeping chaos at bay in everyday life, changing our daily routine to learn something new can maximize our brain’s effectiveness and make us happier.

“Routine limits our brain’s ability to learn new skills and knowledge”, says Benedict Carey in his book, ‘How We Learn’.

 

Why We Should Learn Something New Every Day

All of us have a section in our brain, known as SN/VTA.

Although the SN/VTA section is linked to the learning and memory parts, it’s best known as the ‘Novelty Centre’ because of its amazing quality or ability to light up when exposed to new stimuli.

When we experience something new here’s what happens …

a) The “Novelty Center” of our brain is activated.
b) We get a rush of dopamine (a chemical that motivates us towards rewards).
c) Dopamine motivates us to follow through with the new thing.
d) We get another rush of dopamine when we finish the activity.

Dopamine is closely linked to the learning process. Research has found that learning new things stimulates happiness chemicals in the brain.

Furthermore, learning…

  • Builds our self-worth
  • Makes us more confident
  • Empowers us
  • Helps us to grow
  • Boosts our memory
  • Improves our focus
  • Helps us find a more rewarding career
  • Helps us earn more money
  • Improves our personal life
  • Fuels creativity
  • Makes us more interesting to others
  • Gets us more friends, and so on.

 

But we women, especially have overwhelming home and work routines.

We juggle all sorts of responsibilities daily, right up until we hit the bed at night.

Often for us, learning a new skill can mean taking time out of an already overburdened schedule to attend workshops and seminars, day or night classes, enroll at a training center or another type of school.

It can also mean going beyond the borders of our monthly budget.

However, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way.

We can still embrace learning something new everyday, but in a way that's manageable, convenient, enjoyable and maybe even fun.

By getting a little creative with our ideas and the tools and resources now available, it is possible to easily and painlessly incorporate personal and professional development, learning new and useful things, into our everyday lives.

For example, there are some amazing places online and through use of apps that offer all sorts of FREE and paid courses you can take in just a few minutes each day from the comfort of your own home (and often according to your unique schedule).

As examples, I’d love to mention…

Duolingo: Learn Languages Free - a highly sophisticated smartphone app that offers “bite-sized” lessons where you can learn basic to fluent skill levels in Spanish, English, German, French, Italian and many other languages while playing a game! An extremely popular and critically acclaimed app, it motivates you to learn, offering rewards “for meeting daily goals and achievements”.

Udemy - a popular online learning site having over 30,000 available courses.

Learn everything from career and personal development tips to boosting self confidence, an introduction to non-lethal self-defence, how to deal with difficult people, self-compassion, mindfulness, new language studies and much more.

Udacity – Lifelong Learning where more than a million people have learned business, software, technology and creative skills to achieve personal and professional goals using a convenient smartphone app.

CreativeLive.com - where millions of people have boosted their creativity with free online classes.

The site offers creatives the opportunity to learn from experts in their chosen craft in areas like photography and video, music and audio, and art and design.

Students then may become experts in their chosen field, and go on to earn a living from their creative skills.

Youtube - I can't tell you how many young people learn amazing things by watching YouTube videos. If they can do it, so can we.

Want to learn Spanish in 5 days? YouTube.

Want to learn how to adjust the water level in the toilet bowl? YouTube.

Want to learn construction? YouTube.

Want to learn more than you could ever possibly want to know about makeup techniques, hair-styling or fashion? OMG! YouTube.

YouTube offers thousands of FREE instructional videos on topics covering almost anything you can imagine wanting to learn.

Facebook Groups - You can join informative groups on Facebook to enhance your knowledge.

Most any well-known hobby interest, professional group or charitable organization has a group on Facebook that you can search and apply to join.

These are just a very few examples of resources for learning something new in just a few minutes a day, or more if you have more time available.

woman studying - how to learn something new

 

How To Learn Something New Fast

 

If you do find that you're often pressed for time (and aren't we all), here are some more ways to learn something useful fast:

1. Break larger learning goals into smaller units of time.

If what you want to learn is going to take an extended period of time to learn, then dedicating a specific amount of time each day (30 minutes, 45 minutes or 50 minutes) for learning new things works great.

As per research, our brains end up powering down very quickly when they’re running on overdrive.

Learning strategies graduate assistant Ellen Dunn of Louisiana State University suggests, “Anything less than 30 [minutes] is just not enough, but anything more than 50 is too much information for your brain to take in at one time.”

Neil Starr, a course mentor at Western Governors University (an online nonprofit university) says, “Brief, frequent learning sessions are much better than longer, infrequent ones”.

Scheduling our learning sessions for short bursts of time, using quick methods like flashcards and having (at least) a ten minute break between every two sessions gives our brain some much needed rest.

 

2. Getting a good night’s sleep.

Sleep time can be varied depending on what we’re learning.

Getting the deep sleep of early evening is important when we’re into learning facts like formulas, dates, etc., whereas the sleep that happens in the morning before awakening strengthens our creative thinking and motor skills; hence it’s best to go to bed a little later than normal when we’re on the creative side.

 

3. Using the ‘80/20 Rule’.

The Pareto principle or the 80/20 rule states that, for many events, 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

Both concepts were developed in relation to the distribution of income and wealth among the population.

Modern day productivity expert Tim Ferriss has highlighted the 80/20 rule for faster learning.

According to Tim, “You should focus first on the most important 20 percent of what you’re trying to learn, which will actually cover 80 percent of what you need to know.”

So whenever we set to the path of learning something new we can focus on the most important elements that yield the biggest ROI.

For example, when a friend of mine was learning French, she focused on the question, “What 20 percent of words are used 80 percent of the time?”

 

4. Changing up our learning methods boosts learning.

A study conducted at Johns Hopkins found that “if you perform a slightly modified version of a task you want to master, you actually learn more and faster than practicing the exact same thing over and over again.”

Modifying our self-teaching techniques can work wonders.

For example, we can use flashcards in one session and a more hands-on method, like listening to a podcast or webinar, the next time.

We can also use a different room and a different time of the day to learn a new skill or anything.

 

5. Learning from the experts or masters.

Learning from well-experienced individuals is a great way to learn something new flawlessly and fast.

Having guidance from people who’ve already mastered the skill gives an instant boost to the learning process.

Robert Greene refers to the need for an expert mentor as ‘ideal apprenticeship’, in his book, ‘Mastery’.

In this age of technology and information, we can be mentored via YouTube, Skype, or even professional services like MicroMentor.

 

6. Taking notes definitely helps us to learn something useful.

"Taking notes by hand leads to more active listening and the ability to identify important concepts", says a study titled ‘The Pen is Mightier than the Keyboard’.

This study was conducted by Princeton University and UCLA researchers.

 

7. Using the power of mental spacing brings outstanding results.

“You can water a lawn once a week for 90 minutes or three times a week for 30 minutes,” says Benedict Carey, author of How We Learn: The Surprising Truth about When, Where, and Why It Happens. “Spacing out the watering during the week will keep the lawn greener over time,” he said.

Carey further states, “One theory is that the brain actually pays less attention during short learning intervals. Repeating the information over a longer interval–say a few days or a week later, rather than in rapid succession–sends a stronger signal to the brain that it needs to retain the information.”

colored pencils - learn something new

Wrapping Up:

Challenging ourselves to learn something new every day and adopting smart resources to accomplish that, can benefit us in all aspects of our lives, making us happier and more productive without negatively affecting our scheduled routines and responsibilities.

Increasing our knowledge by learning a new skill, laying the groundwork for new relationships, better career opportunities, and richer deeper life experiences are just a few examples of how you can learn something new everyday and why you should.

Each of us has the same 24 hours in every day, but by cleverly using just a few minutes each day, you have the potential to add so much more to your life.

What will you learn today that's going to change your life?

 

Recommendations:

A great tool that I recommend to develop your writing skills and get in the habit of writing everyday is LifeJournal Online.

Journaling is a great tool to help you to get the most of life and attain short and long-term goals.

It helps you to change and sharpen your perspective, and when you read and summarize what you've written, it helps you to look at your life and situation more objectively.

Journaling helps you make sense of your life, helping you notice connections, gain insight, and see life patterns.

You can read more about LifeJournal and get access to a FREE Trial here: LifeJournal Online.

 

If you're interested in online classes, UDEMY offers a ton of them. Here's several courses that are highly rated and I recommend:

50 Career & Self Development Tips: Welcome to the New You!
Re-Invent Yourself with these 50 Amazing Personal Development Ideas! Life Altering Personal Improvement Strategies : )

SELF-CONFIDENCE: 40-minute Confidence & Self Esteem Guide
Boost Your Confidence and Self Esteem, Handle Fear of Rejection, Learn Powerful Body Language, Feel Great About Yourself

Introduction to Non-Lethal Self-Defense
Learn How to FIGHT BACK and Stop an Attacker With Self-Defense Products

The Neuroscience of Self-Compassion by Kelly McGonigal
Discover how the brain works, including why the critical inner voice exists, and how to replace it with self-compassion.

Tactics for Tackling Difficult People in Life and Work
Recognize and use four key skills of self-empowerment when faced with difficult people.

Mindful Presents: Get Started with Mindfulness
Reduce stress and anxiety, improve your relationships, and feel more aligned and connect with life through meditation.

Communication & Better Relationships: How to be Likeable
How to Be Likeable: Develop Better Relationships, Connect With Everyone & Learn The Secrets Of Charismatic People.

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Posted by on Jul 20, 2018 in Goals, Personal Development, Self Improvement

10 Proven Methods for Establishing Your Life Goals: How to Identify What You Want in Life

setting life goals

You know, when people talk about life goals, it can seem so cliche.

More than likely, people have been talking to you about setting goals since you were an elementary school kid.

You were encouraged to set goals to get better grades, do better in school, be a good kid.

When you finished high school or went to college, everything was all about setting goals for your future, to graduate, begin a career, to get a good job and eventually to start a family of your own, to settle down.

Sometimes it seems we're goaled to death.

The problem is, you're here.

And if you're here, it likely means either you're not entirely happy with how things have turned out, or you're looking for “more”.

You may have set goals to get to this point in your life, or you could have just sort of floated along as life has pushed you in this direction or along that path (a lot of people do).

But the point is you're here now and you're either unhappy (or at least not entirely happy) with where you are, and/or frustrated, tired, bored, confused or feeling “unfulfilled”.

Somehow you're just not in “the right place”.

So then, lets talk about goals again. But this time, let's do things right. You with me?

At some point you've had dreams for your life. Am I right?

What you wanted to be, what you wanted to do. What you wanted to experience.

Hopefully, you still do.

But the dreams you have for your life will likely stay dreams if you don’t take (actionable) steps towards manifesting those dreams into reality.

It is nearly impossible to work towards what we really want in life without setting “clear, attainable goals”.

So let's take a look at 10 methods you can put into practice to help you get clear on what you really want and create goals that will help you achieve your dreams.

establishing life goals

 

10 Proven Methods for Establishing Your Life Goals

 

1. Meditate

This is an important secret...It is impossible to set goals if you don’t know what you really want.

Sounds really obvious. Right?

I can see you rolling yours eyes you know.

But I can't tell you how many people, myself included, have set a bunch of goals in life without REALLY knowing (or without honoring) what it is they really wanted.

Just let that marinate in your mind a minute, becasue I promise you it sounds basic, but it truly is an important point.

It is imperitive for you to get in touch with your authentic self, the person you know yourself to be, to identify and understand what you really want out of life.

And one way to do that is to meditate.

I'm not talking about chanting or making strange noises or folding yourself in weird positions.

What I am talking about is getting into a calm, quiet space, and clearing your mind of distractions and “noise” (both literally and figuratively) so that your thoughts flow through you more readily.

Doing so helps to make your mind more receptive to your thoughts, and to have the ability to see and consider the thoughts you have with more clarity and depth and feeling.

Having a level of clarity helps you greatly in identifying and determining what it is you actually want.

There are many ways to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your life, the most common of which is finding a quiet space and ample time to sit and be alone with yourself.

Walking meditation is also good, as the act of walking is meditative, but allows your mind to get still and go inward.

Going on long walks by yourself where you are able to enter that quiet, meditative space is one way to start contemplating and getting clear on what it is that you want in life.

2. Brainstorm your Lifetime Goals

Once you’ve had opportunity to consider what it is you want, it’s time to start brainstorming your goals and the “how” to get to what you want.

To help you start brainstorming, consider developing specific goals in the following areas of your life.

Personal Development: These are goals involving who you want to be as a person and what you want your personality to be like.

Would you like to be more thoughtful, empathetic, compassionate, outgoing?

These are the types of goals that fall under personal development.

Spiritual Development: Any goals you may have with regard to your spiritual growth and development falls under this category.

Maybe you’ve lost touch with your faith over the years and are interested in going to temple or church again.

Maybe you’d simply like to have a deeper understanding of spiritual matters or incorporate meditation and mindfulness into your life.

Whatever you want to incorporate into your life for your spiritual wellbeing falls under this category.

Health & Wellness: What do you want to achieve in terms of your health?

Are you looking to lose or gain weight?

Would you like to lead a more active lifestyle?

Do you want to eat a more clean and whole-food-based diet?

Write down whatever goals you have relating to physical health in this category.

Relationships: Are you single and wanting to meet new people?

Are you in a committed long-term relationship and seeking to re-ignite a spark?

Do you desire to reconnect with a best friend?

Do you wish to spend more quality time with your children?

Whatever goals you have relating to the people in your life will fall under this category.

Career/Professional: What do you want out of your job?

Are you seeking a promotion or a change in career?

This is the category for whatever you want to accomplish as far as your profession is concerned.

Finances: What is your ideal income for the life you want to live?

What expenses are necessary for your life?

Is there anything you want to accomplish in life that would require you to have a specific amount of money to finance it?

Do you want to travel?

How about retire early?

Think about your finances and to determine what you need/want in order to be living your best life.

All of these can be part of your goals.

Environment: What does your dream home look like?

What do you want to be surrounded by every day?

Think about these things and make goals about what kind of environment you would like to have around you.

This can include small things like decluttering or bigger things like moving to a new place.

3. Brainstorm Smaller Goals

It’s important to keep in mind that not all goals have to be massive and life-changing, and not all goals have to be massive to be life-changing.

Are there small things that you’ve been putting off for a while?

Take some time to brainstorm smaller, more immediate goals.

Maybe you want to deep clean your kitchen or accomplish a task like renewing your license.

Once you identify some of these smaller, but important or meaningful goals, you can then place them into the context of your larger life goals (maybe you want to clean your kitchen because you desire to live in a cleaner, healthier, uncluttered environment), and thus kickstart some motivation to begin.

4. Evaluate Why Your Goals Are Your Goals

As you identify and formulate your goals, take some time to consider them. Make sure that you are setting goals based on your dreams and desires, and not based on the desires of others.

If something is on your list just because you feel like it should be, get rid of it.

Your goal list is for you based on your deepest desires for your life.

They shpuld not be formulated or influenced someone else’s ideas of who you are or who you should be.

Take the time to review your brainstorm list, evaluating each desire individually to determine that it is truly yours and no one else’s.

5. Engage in the Bucket List Community

The bucket list community online can help inspire you to create goals for yourself.

Have you always wanted to explore nature or travel more?

Seeing others’ bucket lists can help inspire your own and give you some direction with narrowing down some broader goals you might have for your life.

Being able to clearly identify, define, articulate and envision the goals you choose is a critical element in bringing them to fruition.

SMART Goals - Establishing your life goals
6. Set SMART Goals

One scientifically backed way to set goals is through the SMART method:

Specific: Your goal should be clearly defined and precise. It should answer more questions than it creates.

Measurable: Your goal should include dates, times and exact financial numbers so you can measure achievement. Each step should be measurable. If you do this, you’ll know exactly when you have achieved the goal and can take satisfaction from the completion.

Actionable/Attainable: Your goal must be achievable. You should be able to accomplish it within your own constraints. If this is not possible, try extending your timeline and create more sub-goals.

Relevant/Realistic: Your goal should be something you actually care about. It should be in line with the direction you want to head in life.

Timely: Your goal should have a specific deadline for completion.

Example SMART goal:

“By December 15th 2018, I will apply to 10 graduate schools’ MFA programs in poetry,” as opposed to “I want to be a writer.”

This goal specifies the task at hand (namely, applying to MFA programs in poetry).

It is a measurable goal with a specific target: 10 schools.

The goal is achievable because the goal setter has 1. defined a limited time within which to accomplish her goal and specified and end-date, and 2. given herself enough time to carry out the related tasks.

It's relevant because it is helping the goal setter move toward something she feels passionate about.

Finally, the chosen goal is timely because it has a specific date by which the goal should be completed.

7. Break Down Your Goals

Some life goals seem huge or unattainable.

Maybe you want a house in Greenwich, Connecticut (one of the most eclusive areas in the US to buy a home).

Maybe you want to be the CEO of your company.

Maybe you want to be a public speaker who conducts presentations before thousands of people.

Maybe you want to live in a foreign country and help to build schools for impoverished children or help bring fresh drinking water to rural communities.

All of these goals seem huge at first glance, but instead of getting overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of them, try breaking down your goals into several actionable, smaller goals.

For example, if one of your life goals is to retire early, you will have to break that goal down into smaller goals.

How will you increase your income or cut spending (and over what period of time) so you can put addiitonal money into your retirement fund?

Will you need to pick up extra work?

These are the kinds of questions that can lead to the formulation of smaller goals to help you reach your larger goals.

8. State Each Goal as a Positive Statement

Express your goals positively.

Try mentally framing your goals as positive or actionable tasks in the style of “execute this technique” instead of negative thinking such as “don’t make this stupid mistake”.

In this way, you have something you CAN do to reach your goal instead of something you shouldn't do.

For example, if one of your goals is to “stop eating junk food” (negative) you could change that around to be “eat healthier snacks on a daily basis” (positive).

This way, you are accomplishing your goal every time you make a good choice instead of failing at your goal every time you slip up.

9. Set Priorities

Not all of your goals will have equal weight in your life.

You must therefore prioritize your goals so that you focus your energy and resources to obtain the most desired results.

This helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed by having multiple goals and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.

10. Set performance goals, not outcome goals

If you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals and draw satisfaction from them.

Avoid setting goals that explicitly involve something outside of your own control.

So for example, if one of your goals is to buy a house by the ocean, try thinking of it more as “saving enough money to buy a house by the ocean.”

In this way, as soon as you have the money to buy a house by the ocean, you have achieved your goal (Yay!) and won’t be discouraged (or view it as a failure) if in the process of actually finding a house, external circumstances make that difficult.

A goal without a plan is just a wish

 

Becasue goal setting and establishing life goals is an often talked about subject, you may think it's just over-used, positivity concept babble.

But I would challenge you to find a genuinely successful person who was not also a successful goal setter and achiever.

Setting goals doesn't make you successful. But setting meaningful, measurable, actionable and achievable goals (based on what you genuinely desire, are willing to commit to and work for) and taking the necessary steps to realize them is what makes you successful and helps move you forward into the life you want.

If you’re ready to start identifying what you want in life and setting realistic, attainable goals, then try our 10 methods for establishing your life goals and go for it.

What amazing life-altering experiences will you begin today?

If you've enjoyed reading this post, please share with your family and friends! Thanks!

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Posted by on Jul 17, 2018 in Personal Development, Self Esteem, Self Improvement

7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Why You Should

women friends - how to stop comparing yourself to others

 

They say, “A thing of beauty needs no comparison, only an eye to behold it…”

Really?

I'm a mid-life woman, and so far I haven’t met any ‘non-comparing’ females in or out of my circle.

And of course that includes me as well 😉

I mean whether we're willing to admit it or not, we're always comparing ourselves!

There’s always the girl who’s (younger and) thinner than you, or the woman whose butt looks better in jeans; someone who’s prettier than you, someone who's smarter  or seems to have more.

How about the chick with the gorgeous boyfriend?

And if none of that holds true, there’s definitely someone who has a better job.

No? How about someone who’s more fortunate or happier than you?

Not to mention the lady who has more friends, a nicer home or…. Perhaps a different skill set?

Then there's always the other end of that spectrum. Someone who has it worse…

… And it goes on 😉

 

And let's be honest...We christian women know better.

But right now, we're talking real talk.

 

So the question is this, how to stop comparing yourself to others?

And the answer is, simple – stop doing it.

Life is NOT a competition.

Nobody is perfect, and all of us have the potential to be better versions of ourselves.

 

Comparing Yourself to Others Psychology

 

The truth is, we are taught the idea of comparing ourselves to others from very young.

This drive to compare ourselves to others was named 'Social Comparison' by social psychologist Leon Festinger, in the 1950s.

According to Festinger’s research, “human beings have the drive to assess their opinions and to know more about their abilities and when they are incapable of evaluating their opinions and abilities, they tend to compare themselves with others.”

Festinger was the first to use the term “Social Comparison”.

Social psychologists Aspinwall and Taylor did research on esteem and comparison, in the 1990s.

Their research showed that depending on someone’s level of motivation and self-worth, comparison can either be Upward or Downward.

  • Upward comparison, compels us to compare ourselves with those who are better than us, and
  • Downward Comparison urges us to compare ourselves with the ones who are worse than us.

Comparing upwards with a good self-worth can motivate us, but the same can negatively affect our psychological well-being if we have a low self-esteem, and this is where most of us need work.

 

"Comparing Myself to Others" Anxiety

 

We can create unnecessary situations of anxiety for ourselves.

We put ourselves down and find fault in ourselves because we see others as possessing the very attributes we wish we had.

The truth is, people have their own struggles underneath whatever they display.

So much in our society is competitive, and we give in to that competitive nature without considering that we’re putting our self-worth at stake.

chalk board - Don't compare yourself with others

 

7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

 

Instead, we should continually remind ourselves of the following:

 

1. All of us are notable in a particular sphere. We all have things in us that are worthy (and we should endeavor to magnify those) for which we’re being admired as well.

There’s always someone that is looking at you, admiring your traits. After all, we’re all on the same spectrum. 😉

2. Rather than Compare, Observe to learn and grow. Instead of seeing ourselves in negative comparison against others (having or being more or less than someone else), we can remind ourselves that we’re still learning.

We can choose to emulate that which is truly admirable to learn and grow.

3. We must realize that folks don’t know our insecurities, and we don't know theirs. Seriously.

People have their own insecurities and they’re way too busy with their own self-conscious stuff to analyze us.

Just as we’re thinking about ourselves, they’re busy thinking about themselves.

4. Remember that comparison can be competitive. The yearning to possess what someone else has or is isn't healthy.

And being competitive in a negative way can lead to saying or doing things that can demean us in the longer run.

5. Admitting our insecurities and vulnerabilities openly decreases our tendency to compare ourselves with others. It helps us to accept ourselves "warts and all".

When we accept ourselves as we are, we realize that others have their own unique attributes, but also their own set of insecurities.

That approach releases us from the vicious grip of competition.

We begin to  admire others and work on our own stuff.

6. Taking others out of the equation, or comparing ourselves to ourselves helps to increase our self-worth.

The only way to "win", is by being a "better you" than you were yesterday.

If there's to be comparison, then let that be the nature of the competition.

For instance, instead of telling myself, “Oh Sarah is so much thinner than I am”, I can say, “I lost twenty pounds during the last 4 months. Wow! I’m proud of myself. I’ll feel awesome when I lose 10 more.”

7. Flip the script by replacing comparison and judgment with love and kindness. When we’re in the process of comparing ourselves with someone, we’re in fact stirring up negative energy, which is being sent out to the other person.

Remember that what goes around comes around.

Instead, be happy that the other person is so blessed, and know that you're blessed as well.

 

Whenever we find ourselves in the comparison trap (and it is a trap) we can hold our fire and send love and kind thoughts to the person we’re comparing ourselves to (and to ourselves as well).

We can compliment them; we can appreciate what is positive about them.

Appreciating others is a super positive habit with a boomerang effect. It makes us more self-compassionate.

 

Wrapping Up:

Comparison is toxic.

It breeds competition and brings insecurity, anxiety, depression, isolation and jealousy.

In addition to that, you can be competing against that which isn't even real, so it's a "no win" situation.

You see, that lady with better hair could be using a dye/weave/wig.

The one whose butt looks better in jeans might be using butt pads...

Learn to put things in perspective.

If there’s someone who’s thinner than you, then of course there’s someone who’s ‘thicker’ than you too.

If she has a better cleavage, don’t forget that you can still rock what you have (they're called "push-up" bras). 😉

And yes, it looks like she has a better boyfriend, but he might not be a "good" man.

All questions like...

How to stop comparing yourself to others physically?

How to stop comparing your body to others?

How to stop comparing your looks to others?

How to stop comparing your progress to others?

… have one and the same answer, and that is to appreciate and acknowledge what you have been blessed with.

 

The truth is, everyone has a different path and there’s no such thing as a perfect life.

All of us need to carve out our own path to be happy and successful.

When we admire those with whom we compare ourselves, they become our stepping stones to success.

So ladies, let’s say goodbye to the habit of comparing ourselves to others.

Love & Peace!

 

If you've enjoyed reading this post, please share it with your family and friends. Thanks!

 

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Posted by on Jul 13, 2018 in Personal Development, Self Confidence, Self Improvement

How to Be More Outgoing – 12 Simple Ways To Make Friends and Enlarge Your Personal Sphere of Influence

friends at sunset - how to be more outgoing
 

If you're an introvert (like me!), it can be a challenge to be more outgoing.

Put me in a quiet space with a good book (or two or three) and tell me I'll not see people for days, and you'll get no complaint from me.

But it’s no secret that socially confident people are generally more successful both professionally and personally as compared to their counterparts, even when they have less skills, education or social standing.

Society rewards those individuals who are outgoing, comfortable socially and even gregarious.

Because of their exuberant personalities, outgoing individuals tend to meet new people, meet more people and have more opportunities presented to them.

It can be extremely daunting and overwhelming for introverts to consider becoming more outgoing.

However, just because you're an introvert doesn’t mean that you can’t improve your skills to be more outgoing.

You can be an introverted person and also practice skills that will help you become more comfortable, confident, open and communicative around others.

What’s the Difference Between an Extrovert and an Introvert?

Extroverts gain energy from being around others. These are the kinds of people who love big parties and social gatherings and find it hard (or simply undesirable) to be alone for long periods of time.

Introverts, on the other hand, gain energy from being alone (yessss).

These are the kinds of people who need alone time after a busy day, or who tend to feel overwhelmed or anxious in large social situations.

While it is true that most extroverts are also very outgoing, it is also very possible to be an outgoing introvert.

Maybe you gain energy from being alone and prefer quiet spaces, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be shy in social situations.

How to be More Outgoing as an Introvert

The most important thing to understand is that you don’t have to be an extrovert to be outgoing.

Being outgoing is about being friendly, open and socially confident. Here are some simple tips to start your journey towards being more outgoing:

5 Very Simple Tips To be More Outgoing

1. Use your body language

Making eye contact instead of avoiding it or staring at the ground is one easy way to instantly make yourself appear more outgoing.

If you stand up straight, employ good body posture and project a confident attitude, then you will be more likely to act confidently in conversations and people will see and respond to your confidence.

2. Go to places where there are people like you

If you’re not the kind of person who enjoys drinking and partying, going to a bar to meet people and expecting that to be a good experience is kind of a silly idea.

There are all kinds of personalities in this world, but not every experience is for everybody. And there will be some people around whom you'll not feel especially comfortable or get along with well.

I'm all for exploring new and different experiences, places and meeting new people, however, if you're working toward becoming a more outgoing person, it may be better at least in the beginning to find a place where you feel you will fit in.

That way, you're starting out from a place of comfort where you're more apt to feel confident and secure.

Whether it’s a bookstore, a coffee shop, or an event created around something you're interested in (such as a wine tasting, chef's dinner or an art event), it will be a lot easier to be outgoing around like-minded people than to be outgoing around people with completely different interests and personalities.

3. Make goals

Formulate progressive goals toward the eventual goal of becoming more outgoing.

Is there someone at work that you’ve enjoyed talking with and with whom you'd like to socialize in a personal setting outside your job?

Then work to make it happen.

First, challenge yourself to make a special effort to talk to them.

Striking up a simple conversation about their day, their interests, or asking about their family is a good way to initiate discussion.

Once you’ve done this over a few occasions, you can then move on to invite them to lunch or to hang out outside of work, attend an event and so on.

4. Seek help from outgoing friends

If you have friends who are outgoing, ask them to help you with meeting new people.

More likely than not, they will be thrilled to be of help.

Spending time with outgoing people can help jettison you into new social circles, as well as give you opportunity to observe their outgoing behaviors and model them.

5. Ask questions

People love talking about themselves.

If you are unsure what to say among strangers or how to ease yourself into conversation, simply ask a question.

Asking questions gives you the chance to learn more about others while also giving you the opportunity to take the lead and direct a conversation to a subject with which you're comfortable.

friends eating at a restaurant - how to be more outgoing

7 Additional Tips for Being More Outgoing

6. How to Get Over Shyness and Be Less Self-conscious

Being shy is usually a product of fearing judgement.

Oftentimes, introverts tend to exaggerate in their minds how much other people judge them.

As you move through your daily life, likely, no one is judging you nearly as much as you suspect or as harshly as you may judge yourself.

It can help you to relieve the pressure you may feel, and to feel less awkward just to have this basic understanding.

One other way to get over shyness is to simply acknowledge it in your conversations.

It comes across as charming and self-aware to mention your shyness if you can feel it hindering your conversation, and once it is out in the open, you will likely settle into the exchange and discussion.

7. How Can I Be More Fun to Be Around?

Chances are, you are already great fun to be around in the right setting where you feel secure and comfortable.

The most important thing to remember is to acknowledge that as an introverted person, you have limits to how much socialization you feel comfortable with in a set amount of time.

You will be more fun to be around if you truly want to be in a particular situation and feel up for it.

Avoid agreeing to too many social events (or events with which you are especially uncomfortable) in the name of being more outgoing. If you set yourself up for a few high-quality interactions, this will help you grow your confidence and keep you from feeling averse to social gatherings and interaction.

8. How Can I Become More Social?

If you're working toward being more social, the easiest place to begin is to practice talking to people you meet throughout your day.

It’s simple to speak with cashiers and baristas, coworkers and clients or teachers and other people within your community.

Simply be friendly and open whether it's talking about the day, or commenting on the weather. Something small like this can help spark conversation and give you practice striking up conversations on your own.

Greeting people and adding a simple “how are you?” or “how has your day been?” can help extend your conversation and provide an opportunity to get to know one another.

9. How Can I Become Well-spoken?

The best way to become more well-spoken is simply to practice.

Being well spoken mostly comes down to being confident.

And confidence is built upon practice.

One way to appear more confident and to feel readier to speak and express yourself is to make eye contact.

Remember that the majority of our communication is not in our words, but is made through non-verbal, body queues, and eye contact is a very important one of those.

When you make eye contact during conversation, it signals to others that you are paying attention, you're focused and listening to what they have to say.

And when you're the one speaking, your eye contact draws people into your conversation, and conveys assertiveness and confidence in your demeanor.

One easy way to practice speaking to new people is simply to introduce yourself when you come in contact with a new person.

Over time, you will develop a comfortable and casual introduction pattern that will make you ocmfortable when meeting virtually anyone.

As an example, one very simple and effective method of introducing yourself is to simply say, “Hello. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m _____.”

This gives the other person a chance to introduce themselves and gives you an opening into conversation.

Especially in this day in age, you’d be surprised at how many people forego this step. Just the simple act of introducing yourself can really make you appear sociable and outgoing.

10. How to Be More Outgoing and Talkative

If you find yourself having a hard time striking up conversations, it can really help to try out being more talkative around people with whom you know you have something in common.

Is there a coworker that likes the same music as do you?

Or another parent at your child’s school who is interested in art?

Try striking up a conversation about something in which you are genuinely interested.

In this way, you will naturally be more engaged, have more to say, and appear more confident.

11. How to Be More Outgoing in a Relationship

If you find you’re having trouble being outgoing (warm, open, communicative) in a new relationship, try talking with your partner about it.

And instead of following their queues, try taking the lead every once in a while.

This can help open the door for you to be more spontaneous and outgoing.

It’s important to express your own needs and desires, and simply taking this first step can make you feel more comfortable in the situation and with your partner, further opening the lines of communication with them.

Another way to become more outgoing in a relationship is to ask questions.

As we've discussed previously and as with any new person, asking questions is a great way to get to know someone.

In the case of a new relationship, try asking some deeper questions. These kinds of questions will help you take more ownership in the situation of getting to know each other.

12. How to Be Outgoing and Funny

Not everyone is a genius at telling jokes, nor should they be.

Let funny moments happen organically.

It’s a lot easier to show your humorous side once you get to know someone a bit better, and you feel more cmfortable around them.

Don't worry too much about coming across as funny right away.

If you aren't naturally gifted with humor, you'll find humor in your relationships as you get to know people.

As you gain confidence in speaking to new people, the confidence in humor will also come.

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Final Thoughts - How to Be More Outgoing

It's important to understand that your worth is not based on what others think of you.

Your worth is based on who you are as a person, what you give to others and to yourself.

It is based on your attributes and your truest self.

Gaining self-confidence and getting to a point where you're comfortable with who you are is immensely helpful in growing your level of comfort in new and unfamiliar situations or around new people.

When you are comfortable with yourself, it's obvious to others, making both you and them more comfortable with one another in a given situation, and at the same time making the need for the approval of others not a priority (or source of angst and anxiety) for you.

All of this helps you to be more outgoing.

Though there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert by nature, learning to be more outgoing is a useful skill in social interactions, in business and even in job advancement.

You can be yourself and still learn to grow your social skills to be more open, more receptive to and more interactive with others. Try some of the tips we've outlined today to help you to be more outgoing.

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