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Posted by on Jul 13, 2018 in Personal Development, Self Confidence, Self Improvement

How to Be More Outgoing – 12 Simple Ways To Make Friends and Enlarge Your Personal Sphere of Influence

friends at sunset - how to be more outgoing
 

If you're an introvert (like me!), it can be a challenge to be more outgoing.

Put me in a quiet space with a good book (or two or three) and tell me I'll not see people for days, and you'll get no complaint from me.

But it’s no secret that socially confident people are generally more successful both professionally and personally as compared to their counterparts, even when they have less skills, education or social standing.

Society rewards those individuals who are outgoing, comfortable socially and even gregarious.

Because of their exuberant personalities, outgoing individuals tend to meet new people, meet more people and have more opportunities presented to them.

It can be extremely daunting and overwhelming for introverts to consider becoming more outgoing.

However, just because you're an introvert doesn’t mean that you can’t improve your skills to be more outgoing.

You can be an introverted person and also practice skills that will help you become more comfortable, confident, open and communicative around others.

What’s the Difference Between an Extrovert and an Introvert?

Extroverts gain energy from being around others. These are the kinds of people who love big parties and social gatherings and find it hard (or simply undesirable) to be alone for long periods of time.

Introverts, on the other hand, gain energy from being alone (yessss).

These are the kinds of people who need alone time after a busy day, or who tend to feel overwhelmed or anxious in large social situations.

While it is true that most extroverts are also very outgoing, it is also very possible to be an outgoing introvert.

Maybe you gain energy from being alone and prefer quiet spaces, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be shy in social situations.

How to be More Outgoing as an Introvert

The most important thing to understand is that you don’t have to be an extrovert to be outgoing.

Being outgoing is about being friendly, open and socially confident. Here are some simple tips to start your journey towards being more outgoing:

5 Very Simple Tips To be More Outgoing

1. Use your body language

Making eye contact instead of avoiding it or staring at the ground is one easy way to instantly make yourself appear more outgoing.

If you stand up straight, employ good body posture and project a confident attitude, then you will be more likely to act confidently in conversations and people will see and respond to your confidence.

2. Go to places where there are people like you

If you’re not the kind of person who enjoys drinking and partying, going to a bar to meet people and expecting that to be a good experience is kind of a silly idea.

There are all kinds of personalities in this world, but not every experience is for everybody. And there will be some people around whom you'll not feel especially comfortable or get along with well.

I'm all for exploring new and different experiences, places and meeting new people, however, if you're working toward becoming a more outgoing person, it may be better at least in the beginning to find a place where you feel you will fit in.

That way, you're starting out from a place of comfort where you're more apt to feel confident and secure.

Whether it’s a bookstore, a coffee shop, or an event created around something you're interested in (such as a wine tasting, chef's dinner or an art event), it will be a lot easier to be outgoing around like-minded people than to be outgoing around people with completely different interests and personalities.

3. Make goals

Formulate progressive goals toward the eventual goal of becoming more outgoing.

Is there someone at work that you’ve enjoyed talking with and with whom you'd like to socialize in a personal setting outside your job?

Then work to make it happen.

First, challenge yourself to make a special effort to talk to them.

Striking up a simple conversation about their day, their interests, or asking about their family is a good way to initiate discussion.

Once you’ve done this over a few occasions, you can then move on to invite them to lunch or to hang out outside of work, attend an event and so on.

4. Seek help from outgoing friends

If you have friends who are outgoing, ask them to help you with meeting new people.

More likely than not, they will be thrilled to be of help.

Spending time with outgoing people can help jettison you into new social circles, as well as give you opportunity to observe their outgoing behaviors and model them.

5. Ask questions

People love talking about themselves.

If you are unsure what to say among strangers or how to ease yourself into conversation, simply ask a question.

Asking questions gives you the chance to learn more about others while also giving you the opportunity to take the lead and direct a conversation to a subject with which you're comfortable.

friends eating at a restaurant - how to be more outgoing

7 Additional Tips for Being More Outgoing

6. How to Get Over Shyness and Be Less Self-conscious

Being shy is usually a product of fearing judgement.

Oftentimes, introverts tend to exaggerate in their minds how much other people judge them.

As you move through your daily life, likely, no one is judging you nearly as much as you suspect or as harshly as you may judge yourself.

It can help you to relieve the pressure you may feel, and to feel less awkward just to have this basic understanding.

One other way to get over shyness is to simply acknowledge it in your conversations.

It comes across as charming and self-aware to mention your shyness if you can feel it hindering your conversation, and once it is out in the open, you will likely settle into the exchange and discussion.

7. How Can I Be More Fun to Be Around?

Chances are, you are already great fun to be around in the right setting where you feel secure and comfortable.

The most important thing to remember is to acknowledge that as an introverted person, you have limits to how much socialization you feel comfortable with in a set amount of time.

You will be more fun to be around if you truly want to be in a particular situation and feel up for it.

Avoid agreeing to too many social events (or events with which you are especially uncomfortable) in the name of being more outgoing. If you set yourself up for a few high-quality interactions, this will help you grow your confidence and keep you from feeling averse to social gatherings and interaction.

8. How Can I Become More Social?

If you're working toward being more social, the easiest place to begin is to practice talking to people you meet throughout your day.

It’s simple to speak with cashiers and baristas, coworkers and clients or teachers and other people within your community.

Simply be friendly and open whether it's talking about the day, or commenting on the weather. Something small like this can help spark conversation and give you practice striking up conversations on your own.

Greeting people and adding a simple “how are you?” or “how has your day been?” can help extend your conversation and provide an opportunity to get to know one another.

9. How Can I Become Well-spoken?

The best way to become more well-spoken is simply to practice.

Being well spoken mostly comes down to being confident.

And confidence is built upon practice.

One way to appear more confident and to feel readier to speak and express yourself is to make eye contact.

Remember that the majority of our communication is not in our words, but is made through non-verbal, body queues, and eye contact is a very important one of those.

When you make eye contact during conversation, it signals to others that you are paying attention, you're focused and listening to what they have to say.

And when you're the one speaking, your eye contact draws people into your conversation, and conveys assertiveness and confidence in your demeanor.

One easy way to practice speaking to new people is simply to introduce yourself when you come in contact with a new person.

Over time, you will develop a comfortable and casual introduction pattern that will make you ocmfortable when meeting virtually anyone.

As an example, one very simple and effective method of introducing yourself is to simply say, “Hello. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m _____.”

This gives the other person a chance to introduce themselves and gives you an opening into conversation.

Especially in this day in age, you’d be surprised at how many people forego this step. Just the simple act of introducing yourself can really make you appear sociable and outgoing.

10. How to Be More Outgoing and Talkative

If you find yourself having a hard time striking up conversations, it can really help to try out being more talkative around people with whom you know you have something in common.

Is there a coworker that likes the same music as do you?

Or another parent at your child’s school who is interested in art?

Try striking up a conversation about something in which you are genuinely interested.

In this way, you will naturally be more engaged, have more to say, and appear more confident.

11. How to Be More Outgoing in a Relationship

If you find you’re having trouble being outgoing (warm, open, communicative) in a new relationship, try talking with your partner about it.

And instead of following their queues, try taking the lead every once in a while.

This can help open the door for you to be more spontaneous and outgoing.

It’s important to express your own needs and desires, and simply taking this first step can make you feel more comfortable in the situation and with your partner, further opening the lines of communication with them.

Another way to become more outgoing in a relationship is to ask questions.

As we've discussed previously and as with any new person, asking questions is a great way to get to know someone.

In the case of a new relationship, try asking some deeper questions. These kinds of questions will help you take more ownership in the situation of getting to know each other.

12. How to Be Outgoing and Funny

Not everyone is a genius at telling jokes, nor should they be.

Let funny moments happen organically.

It’s a lot easier to show your humorous side once you get to know someone a bit better, and you feel more cmfortable around them.

Don't worry too much about coming across as funny right away.

If you aren't naturally gifted with humor, you'll find humor in your relationships as you get to know people.

As you gain confidence in speaking to new people, the confidence in humor will also come.

iguana friends - how to be nore outgoing

Final Thoughts - How to Be More Outgoing

It's important to understand that your worth is not based on what others think of you.

Your worth is based on who you are as a person, what you give to others and to yourself.

It is based on your attributes and your truest self.

Gaining self-confidence and getting to a point where you're comfortable with who you are is immensely helpful in growing your level of comfort in new and unfamiliar situations or around new people.

When you are comfortable with yourself, it's obvious to others, making both you and them more comfortable with one another in a given situation, and at the same time making the need for the approval of others not a priority (or source of angst and anxiety) for you.

All of this helps you to be more outgoing.

Though there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert by nature, learning to be more outgoing is a useful skill in social interactions, in business and even in job advancement.

You can be yourself and still learn to grow your social skills to be more open, more receptive to and more interactive with others. Try some of the tips we've outlined today to help you to be more outgoing.

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Posted by on Jul 7, 2018 in Personal Development, Self Confidence, Self Esteem, Self Improvement

10 Little Known Ways to Be More Assertive, Confident, and Get More of What You Want

female boxer - assertive woman

 

Learning how to be an assertive woman is sometimes a bit more complicated than it may seem.

Assertiveness for women can be a delicate balance.

If you're “too assertive”, people tend to think you're aggressive, threatening or a b*tch. If you're not assertive enough, people perceive you as a pushover and a doormat.

And it's unfortunate, but people often take advantage of those they perceive as weaker or at a disadvantage.

If you're viewed as a pushover and people pleaser, whether in business or your personal life, it can be increadibly difficult to navigate your way through.

By cultivating assertive behavior, we learn to respect our needs while retaining compassion and respect for the needs of others.

Assertiveness affords us a measure of confidence and self-respect, as well as the respect of others which certainly makes it a desireable trait.

It's an essential skill for anyone who desires success, and for women in particular, it's a skill that takes a certain amount of finesse.

Follow these steps as we outline them here to learn valuable assertiveness techniques and tips for building confidence.

 

How To Be Assertive

assertive woman

 

What does it mean to be an assertive person?

 

When wondering how to be assertive, it's important to consider exactly what assertiveness is and what it is not.

Assertiveness is based on balance.

Honing an assertive personality requires you to be forthright about your wants and needs, while still respecting the rights, needs, and wants of others.

When you're assertive, you speak directly, confidently and express a presence through eye contact, body language and other non-verbal queues that is self-assured.

In doing so, you communicate with others in a manner that is perceived to be direct, firm, fair and powerful.

However, it is important to note that assertiveness is not the same as aggression.

Though aggression sometimes masquerades as confidence or assuredness, aggressive individuals tend to ignore or discount the needs of others entirely in favor of their own.

This can greatly upset individuals with whom they interact, and rightfully so.

Unlike aggression, assertiveness and assertive communication affirms your own needs and their importance, while you are still considerate of both sides of a situation when interacting with other individuals.

 

What are some examples of assertive behavior?

 

There are many types of assertiveness, from assertive speech to body language to a quiet internal self-confidence. Some assertive examples are:

Speaking calmly and firmly during a conversation
Using eye contact
Using assertive statements to authoritatively and clearly express your viewpoint
Being firm/repetitive if someone is pushing the issue

Now that we’ve taken a look at assertiveness meaning, try the following assertiveness and self-confidence tips to grow your assertiveness skills:

 

woman sitting - assertiveness

 

10 Ways to be More Assertive

 

1.Make Assertive Statements

What is an assertive statement?

An assertive statement is declarative. It is firm and asserts your position in an unapologetic way.

The simplest assertive statements are simply “Yes” and “No”.

Assertive statements often focus on the “I” voice and how you feel or think about a certain topic.

“I” statements also allow us to open up conversations, both at the workplace and at home.

“I” statements assert how you feel without placing blame on another person.

In doing so, you accurately detail your feelings without treading into aggressive territory.

Words or phrases that assertive statements don’t contain: maybe, I think, I should, I would like.

2. Practice!

Just like any other skill, assertiveness grows over time as you practice.

You can start building confidence by committing to be more assertive with those in your personal life.

If this seems too daunting, you can start practicing by talking to yourself in the mirror or writing down some assertive statements, just to get used to the language of being assertive.

3. Agree to Disagree

Many of us have a deeply imbedded desire for non-confrontation.

Unfortunately, this desire often makes it difficult, if not impossible, to stand up for ourselves.

Getting comfortable with respectful disagreement is an important step in building your assertiveness toolkit.

The fact of the matter is that disagreement is a natural part of life.

You are worthy of having your own opinions and thoughts, and they do not need to constantly affirm the thoughts of others.

Disagreements do not have to become arguments as long as you are willing to leave some things unsettled and simply state your opinion in a respectful but firm manner.

4. Listen Actively

A huge part of assertiveness that people often miss is the importance of listening actively to the person on the other side of the conversation.

Assertiveness is about framing your needs and desires within the whole context of the situation.

If you completely ignore what the other person has to say, your assertive standpoint will not be as well received.

5. Aim for Open and Honest Communication

In all aspects of life, it is important to establish open, honest communication that is essential to the health of a relationship.

Whether it is a significant other, best friend, child, or even a boss, it is important to establish that honesty of emotion.

One way to do this is to assert your own feelings in a positive and consistent way.

You can also directly ask for honesty and openness from those in your life, and that they meet you with the same honesty.

6. Learn to Say No

Saying “No” can be extremely difficult — especially if you've been taught to always “be polite”, not hurt the feelings of others and to put their priorities above your own, or that being a “people pleaser” is the way to make friends or get ahead.

In order to start being able to say “No”, you have to respect (and value) your own wishes.

As an example, if someone in your life is continually asking you to take part in a fundraising effort that you have no time for or interest in, it can feel like a big deal to refuse your help.

However, by being genuine about your feelings, you are simply respecting yourself and the other person.

Instead of trudging through something you don’t want to do or flaking on plans at a later date, an upfront “No” shows self-respect, an understanding of your own limits, and ultimately respect for the other person.

7. Express Your Needs

Use “I” statements to express your needs whether:

At work (i.e. “I am uncomfortable working at my desk with the air conditioning on me all day.”)
At home (i.e “I feel frustrated that I had to do most of the housework this week. I need more help from you so that I can recharge from work at night.”)
Or with friends (i.e. “I cannot come to the cookout because I have an upcoming deadline.”)

Using “I” statements to express your needs allows those around you to understand what is going on in your head.

Expressing your needs doesn’t make you weak, it makes you good at communicating and standing up for yourself.

8. Value Yourself

At the core of assertiveness, there is the understanding that your needs are as valid and important as the needs of others.

Especially if you are a nurturing, empathetic person, it can be hard to remember that taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of others.

If you don’t value yourself and your own time, health, space, and energy, then it's impossible to be truly assertive and to commit to pursue what you want in life.

The first step toward true assertiveness is to value yourself like you would a dear friend.

Beginning to genuinely value yourself is one of the best ways to start building self-esteem.

9. Use Scripting

If you have an important situation coming up where you're hoping to be more assertive, such as a conversation about job advancement, or confronting a family member about past behaviors, you can try “scripting” the conversation ahead of time.

And yes, it sounds corny, but just trust me, it can actually help.

You of course won’t need to memorize a dialog word-for-word, but taking some time to think about and possibly write out what you might want to say, can help you build the confidence to go for it.

It will also offer you the security of feeling prepared.

Try using the following outline to build your conversation:

 

Event:  Tell the other person how you see the situation or problem.

Feelings: Tell the other person, clearly, how you feel about the situation.

Needs: Tell the other person what you need from them

Consequences: Describe the impact of your request.

 

10. Practice Composure

It can be difficult to stay calm in the most important of situations.

Whether you have a tendency towards aggressiveness or passivity, both of these ends of the spectrum come from letting emotions control you and the situation.

In the beginning when faced with a potentially adverse situation or emotionally charged encounter, try giving yourself adequate time to construct an assertive response.

If something particularly emotionally triggering occurs, you can tell the other person you need time to think it over.

This will prevent you slipping into overemotional and less effective communication, and give yourself a chance to advocate in an assertive and productive manner.

 

celebration - assertiveness

 

 

In the End, Assertiveness Allows Us to Demonstrate Self-Confidence and Assuredness.

 

Being assertive is truly an act of respect towards yourself.

Assertiveness is empowering, and so helps us to be less anxious and stressed, more assured and confident.

If you are looking for additional resources on how to become more assertive, check out the following titles:

The Assertiveness Workbook, by Randy J. Paterson
Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships, by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons
Assertiveness: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Still Win the Respect of Others, by Judy Murphy

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Posted by on Apr 17, 2017 in Self Confidence, Self Improvement

9 Self Confidence Building Tips for Women: How to Gain Assurance in 14 Days or Less

9 Self Confidence Building Tips for Women: How to Gain Assurance in 14 Days or LessUpdated: February 9, 2018

It's a troubling thought isn't it...

You've got a dirty little secret you're hiding from everyone.

On the outside, you appear to have it all together. You're living your life, taking care of your family, hanging with your girls, handling your business.

No one would suspect there's a nasty problem hovering over the edges of your life.

But there it is. And no matter what you do to try to hide it, you just can't seem to make it go away.

The problem?

You don't believe in you.

You lack self confidence.

Oh, you say all the right things, and you've got plenty attitude. But deep down, on the inside where we get to the real "real"...

You're a hot mess. An enormous, twisted, mixed up ball of insecurity.

And you're afraid someone's going to discover it, and when they do, they'll expose your secret and the whole world will know you're not the person you claim to be.

So how do you stop pretending? How do you actually become the self confident person you claim to be?

Fortunately confidence is learned. It's not something we're born with. So if you lack self confidence, it's something you can fix.

And how do we fix it? By adjusting our thinking and behaviors with consistency and repetition, until being confident becomes habit.

Following are tips you can use to increase self confidence in as little as the next 14 days. And as you practice and repeat them consistently, they will soon become a normal part of your thinking and behavior. Here they are:

9 Tips To Build Your Self Confidence

 

1. Own who you are.

 

Your thoughts, your opinions, your looks, your skin color, your decisions, your emotions, your actions, own them all.

Don't give anyone else credit or blame for who you are or how you feel.

Whether you realize it or not, whether you believe it or not, only you are responsible for how you show up in the world. And you are the only person who wields the power attached to that.

Recognize that you are powerful. You have authority in your circumstances. Use it.

 

2. Utilize your voice.

 

You have a unique voice, and there is power in speaking your truth. Speak up for yourself.

Stop waiting for someone speak for you or to speak up for you. Stop waiting for others to recognize you, to appreciate you, to value you, to reward you. Do those things for yourself.

And when you begin to do those things for yourself, it is then that others will begin to do them too.

If you dislike something that's going on in your life or the way you're being treated, neither of those things will change until you speak up.

If on the other hand, someone is kind or considerate or treats you in a way that's to your liking, they will never know it or know to repeat it unless you give voice to your joy and pleasure.

Use your voice. The more you give voice to what you want and need in your life, the more confident you'll become and the more often those things will begin to show up for you.

 

3. Strive to be better, always better.

 

Not perfect because perfection is an illusion and the hunt for it a time-stealer.

Work to be better; better than you were yesterday, better than your last idea, better than you can comfortably imagine, and be always building and improving and moving forward.

 

4. Be prepared.

 

Be ready when it's your turn in the spotlight or on the hot seat.

Whether it's an academic test, a professional presentation, a job or volunteer interview or an audition, do your work.

Then demonstrate that you know your stuff, or that you possess the skills or abilities needed or required for whatever the task may be.

 

5. Do what you think you can't or what you think you wouldn't.

 

In other words, Take a chance!

I can't tell you how many times that I've created lifetime experiences from opportunities to do something or be involved in something that I wouldn't normally do.

And those experiences and memories are some of the best of my life and will last me the rest of my life.

Be willing to experience something you might not be sure you'll like or think you might suck at, just for the experience of it.

You'll be surprised how much it will enrich your life, and at the level of confidence you'll gain from those moments.

 

6. Remember that the only measuring stick that matters is you.

 

Stop comparing yourself and your progress against others.

Your story and your life are unique to you. Measuring your life, your development and your advancement against someone else's just doesn't make sense.

Everyone's journey is completely unique, even when there exist similar experiences or circumstances.

How things come into your life, how you perceive information through your personal filter and experience, experience events, how you choose to act in any set of circumstances at any time, and the timing with which any or all of that takes place is unique to you and happens at a pace that is your own.

No two journeys are exactly alike. Your story is your own.

Think of it this way... Pebbles on the beach all look the same when viewed in a group. But upon closer inspection, it quickly becomes evident that no two pebbles are exactly alike.

Each one has been individually molded and shaped by wind and waves and water. Each is absolutely individual and unique, completely distinguishable from any other.

You can only truly measure your progress against yourself. Where were you yesterday, last month, last year, or five years ago.

Don't compare yourself or your journey against others, when you are like no other.

 

7. Expect setbacks and failures and be prepared to deal with them.

 

Don't allow the unexpected to catch you by surprise.

You may not be able to anticipate specific circumstances, just know that setbacks will come and always be as prepared as you can for their arrival.

This will give you confidence in situations which are uncertain.

You may not immediately foresee the outcome of your circumstances, but you will be able to be confident in knowing that whatever they are, you have the ability to meet your issues head on and overcome them.

When setbacks do show up, be prepared to deal with them in the best most efficient way, so that they can teach you what you need to know in the moment. Then move on.

 

8. Organize.

 

You may ask how getting organized helps you to boost your confidence.

Organization brings order to your life. By organizing you become more efficient, you eliminate waste become more productive.

Organization allows you to gain more control over your affairs. Which allows you to manage better, reduces stress in you life, allows you to manage your daily tasks and track your progress to meet your goals.

All of these things work together to spend less time stressing and working and to have more enjoyable time to do the things you want to do rather than be bogged down with the things you have to do.

And all of those things work together to increase your confidence.

 

9. Ask for the help you need.

 

So often when we are met with obstacles or challenges, we are reluctant to reveal our predicament for fear of appearing foolish or weak.

Or, we are reluctant to reveal our lack of knowledge of something because we feel we may be judged for what we don't know or we'll be made to feel stupid.

In both cases, what you're really allowing to happen is you're allowing pride and ego to rob you of the help you need to be and do better.

In this post we have outlined 9 Self Confidence Building Strategies for you to use to help build and improve your level of self confidence in as little as two weeks. They are:

 

9 Self Confidence Building Strategies

 

1. Own who you are.
2. Utilize your voice.
3. Strive to be better.
4. Be prepared.
5. Do what you think you can't or what you think you wouldn't.
6. Remember that the only measuring stick that matters is you.
7. Expect setbacks and failures and be prepared to deal with them.
8. Organize.
9. Ask for the help you need.

 

At the end of the day, confidence is a state of mind. It's the act of you standing in your truth and being willing to own it; the beautiful as well as the woolly parts, the sharp as well as the smooth edges. All of it. All of you. And being cool with that.

Are you wrestling with issues of self confidence? How have you worked to overcome your confidence issues? Let me know in the comments. If you like this post, please share it with your family and friends. Thanks! You're Awesome!

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