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Posted by on Apr 6, 2017 in Personal Development, Self Improvement

5 Reasons You May Be Seeking Validation from Others…And Why You Don’t Need It

5 Reasons You May Seek Validation from Others And Why You Don't Need It

Most of us, at one time or another find ourselves seeking validation from others.

Whether on the job, in relationships, while going through stages of self improvement or in response to how we look and how we present ourselves, we have looked to others for the reassurance that we're doing the right thing or have made right choices.

And, while it's certainly not wrong to receive input from others, especially a trusted circle of family or friends, we sometimes learn to depend on this validation entirely in order to function or move forward.

This can lead to a dependence that is not beneficial for you or others and can possibly be detrimental down the road.

What is validation, exactly?

Simply put, it's approval or confirmation from others - hearing that we've done a good job or made a right choice or done the right thing. This can cover a wide range of subjects or circumstances in our lives, from selecting a hair color to making a career choice, but it is basically seeking approval outside yourself.

This input can be a good thing, but it becomes a problem if it is the only way we can feel confident in ourselves and our life choices.

So, why do we seek this validation from others? It may be any one of the following reasons:


5 Reasons For Seeking Validation From Others


1. Lack of Self-Confidence

We've all been there. About to take on a new task or move in a new direction and suddenly you feel like you're in way over your head. You'll never make it. You're crazy for even trying.

It's a terrible, and sometimes frightening, feeling and sometimes all we need is a word from a friend letting us know that we can do it.

We are capable and not crazy.

Encouragement of this sort is fine when needed, but if you cannot make a decision without it, there's a problem.

It may be that your belief in your own abilities has dropped to a point where you can't even make a decision on your own, let alone carry it out.

A severe lack of self-confidence can be almost paralyzing and cause us to reach out for validation for even the simplest tasks.


2. Need for Acceptance

We all need acceptance - reassurance that we are loved and cared for by others, regardless of what we do or decide.

Sometimes, however, this need can escalate to the point where we can't function well without a high level of constant reassurance of this acceptance.

Often, this is rooted in rejection of some kind in our past and can be a difficult thing to overcome.

But, relying on others to fulfill this need in you is often setting yourself up for disappointment.

It's necessary to know and accept yourself first, before depending on receiving that acceptance from others.


3. Sense of Worth

Somewhat related to self-confidence, seeking validation to obtain a sense of self-worth is not uncommon, but it's not healthy, either.

Needing a sense of self-worth, however, goes much deeper than simply lacking confidence.

How much we value ourselves can determine our very motivation for living.

If you feel that you have little or no worth except for what others tell you that you have, you may feel like “Why even bother”?

The truth is, if this is your consistent state of mind, there won't be enough validation in the world to make you feel worthy as a person. A healthy sense of self-worth begins with you.


4. Sense of Identity

Life can be very confusing at times.

These days with all the choices we have to make, as well as all the constant input and influence of the media telling us what we should and shouldn't be, it can be easy to lose your identity in the very process of trying to find it.

When this happens, we sometimes try to establish that identity through others.

If we find validation in certain areas, then this must be who we are, right?

Not necessarily.

This can be a dangerous context because without a definite sense of your own identity, you can be led down paths that aren't right for you; that may even prove harmful to you as well.


5. Overall Affirmation

It may seem to be splitting hairs here, but there is a distinction between affirmation and a sense of worth or confidence.

Seeking validation for affirmation is needing someone to tell you that you are okay and life is okay and everything else going to be okay.

Sometimes this is secretly a desire for approval of wrong choices, feeling that if someone else thinks this choice is okay, then it must be the right thing.

But, often, it is a lack of inner peace and rest that requires constant calming through the validation of others.


If any of these situations sound like you, don't worry - you're not alone. But even though you're not alone, this is not a place you want to stay.

As much as you may think validation from others is necessary, it truly is not. You don't need it to be strong and successful.

True validation begins within you.

It is important to be completely honest with yourself and find the root of your desire for validation.

Only then will you be able to address it, conquer it and move on.

Regardless of what may or may not have happened to you in the past, you are here today as living proof that you are a strong survivor.

Your life is precious and unique and you fill a place in this world that no one else can fill.

You have gifts and abilities that are unique to you, and a circle of influence that no one else in the world can reach.

Your very existence is validation of the value of your life.

And if you're still here, there is still a purpose to be fulfilled.

Seek out your purpose, remember your worth, and let that give you a new vision and new motivation to carry you throughout your life.

When you are free from depending on others to determine your value, you are truly free to pursue all that life has to offer.

Do you struggle with seeking validation from others? If so, let me know in the comments. If you like this post, please share it with your friends and family. Thanks! You're Awesome!

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Posted by on Feb 27, 2017 in Personal Development, Self Improvement

15 Excellent Tips for Remarkable Success This Year (Part 2)


Today we pick up from where we left our discussion last week to discuss tips six through ten of 15 Excellent Tips for Remarkable Success This Year. If you missed the first of this three-part series, you can review tips one through five here. (This post contains affiliate links. That means if you click on a link and subsequently make a purchase, I will receive a commission at no additional cost to you. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites. For additional information, please read our disclosure.)

15 Excellent Tips for Remarkable Success This Year (Part 2)

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Posted by on Feb 7, 2017 in Personal Development, Self Improvement

11 Life-Changing Self Improvement Books for Women You Should Read This Year To Enhance Your Life and Relationships


11 Self Improvement Books for Women That Will Change Your Life

11 Self-Improvement Books That Will Change Your Life This Year


Remember when you were a kid how long a year would seem? It was like a year would last FOR-E-VER.

And from one year to the next you could easily see the changes and progress you'd made. Other people could see them too.

With every year you would grow taller, and your physical appearance transformed.

The way you wore your clothes evolved as you got older. As you advanced in school from one grade level to the next, you got smarter.

Not only did you progress intellectually, your level of maturity also grew.

The differences between your second grade self and you as a fifth grader were huge even though you were merely three years older.

But when you look at your life as an adult, often the changes that have occurred appear much less impactful.

You've gotten accustomed to habits and routines. It is much easier to move from one year to the next without any considerable progress to show for it.

Before you know it, another year has passed; then five, then ten. Still, things seem much the same as always because they are much the same as they've always been.

So the question is this: What are you going to do this year to make your life better? How will you make it different from last year, and so many years before? What are you going to do to finally begin living that remarkable life you've dreamed of and hoped for all this time?

If you don't know the answer to that question, fear not. We have scoured the internet (so you don't have to, and yes, you're welcome) to find 11 of the best self improvement books to provide you some help.


11 Life-Changing Self Improvement Books for Women You Should Read This Year


1. Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life, by John A. Arden

Rewire Your Brain is a practical (regular people speak) resource book that guides you through the process of changing the way your brain processes information. The goal: to change the way you think. Because when you change the way you think, you change your life.

The book, based in neuroscience as well as psychology, explains developments in brain science. Most importantly, it informs us that our brains are not "hardwired", as previously believed, to function in predetermined ways. Instead they are more like software that can be "reprogrammed" through experience.

Included among various strategies detailed in the book, is how to calm our brains during stressful times. It also teaches us how to use parts of our brain that were previously underutilized, all with applications for daily living. It includes evidence-based practices to be used to improve your everyday life including mood, rest, memory and improvement of relationships. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

2. Present over Perfect: Leaving Behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living, by Shauna Niequist

Present Over Perfect is author Shauna Niequist's detailing of her personal journey, life change and triumphant emergence from a frantic, exhausting, "busy" life. As she relates in the book, prior to the transformation, her life lacked connection and depth of meaning leaving her confused as to how she had even arrived at such a place in her life.

The book details her experience of dismantling the life she knew, and rebuilding a new and different life and existence rooted in her soul and spiritual growth. Through the book, she invites you to examine your own life to find the answers which will help you to build a simpler, more soulful way of living. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

3. You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero

This woman is too funny! Don't believe me? Check this out! You Are A Badass is an hilarious, inspiring and deceptively thought-provoking guide book that will help you to transform the way you think, get rid of “limited” thinking and leave your fears behind.

Written by Jen Sincero, a sassy, “down-to-earth”, let's get to the “real” real life coach, this self help book takes you on a different journey, one that will help you on your way to your much better life. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

4. Wild and Free, by Jess Connolly and Haley Morgan

Wild and Free has been described as open, honest writing from two visionary friends and writers. It is also described as offering women a Christian perspective of their lives and their relationship with God that is free from “trite religiosity”.

Co-author Jess Connolly explains the book in this way: “Wild and Free is an anthem and an invitation in equal parts to find freedom from the cultural captivity that holds us back, and freedom to step into the wild and holy call of God in our lives. It's a book for all women and we genuinely, genuinely pray the Lord uses it to set many women free as they step into the wild lives God has for them.” Click here to view this book on Amazon.


5, 6, 7. Daring Greatly, The Power of Vulnerability and Rising Strong, by Brene Brown

Dr. Brenè Brown of TED Talk and Oprah's “SuperSoul Sunday” fame has created three compelling books (Okay, so technically speaking, The Power of Vulnerability is an audio book (or you can watch the TED Talk version), not a readable “book”. So sue me.). They deal with how to be better through vulnerability (in this case defined as “the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome”). The courage to be vulnerable, the power (yes, the power) of vulnerability , and rising from our stumbles and falls to enter into lives that are better, stronger and more fulfilled are the basis of these three works respectively.

Brown's in-depth and pioneering research has demonstrated that when we have the courage to be vulnerable, we deepen our experiences. Love and joy and belonging are made more meaningful in a way that we could not have accomplished otherwise. The result is that we become better individuals and much more effective leaders. Click here to view these books on Amazon: Daring Greatly, The Power of Vulnerability and Rising Strong.

8. Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life, by Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin's answer to the question of “how do we change our lives” is habits. And while that may seem counter intuitive, habits are how our lives are structured.

So according to Ms. Rubin, in order to make life changes, we don't get rid of habits, we do the work to change the habits we have. We then build on that foundation to develop lives that make us happier, that are richer and more worthwhile. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

9. Shine On: How to Grow Awesome Instead of Old, by Claire Cook

The promo page of the author's website cautions “forty-to-forever” women interested in aging well not to miss this book, and it's absolutely right.

Author Claire Cook knows a little something about successful midlife transformation. She became a wildly successful author after writing her first book at the tender age of 45. Packed with inspiration and enthusiasm, as well as practical help for navigating your own midlife journey, this book is an honest, encouraging, funny and thoughtful offering. Shine On is certainly for you if you're a woman who doesn't mind aging, but you simply want to continue becoming the best version of yourself. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

10. Your Money or Your Life: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence, by Vicki Robin & Joe Dominguez

For many women, no matter their social background or occupation, money is an issue. In “Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence”, co-author Vicki Robin provides tried and tested information and insights about money firmly grounded in more than twenty years of her own life and experience.

The book also includes examples from the experience of students of the co-author's 9-step program for becoming financially independent. This is not simply a book about spending less and saving more, it's about your relationship with money and how that relationship impacts other aspects of your life as well as life quality. If you need to change your relationship to money, to have more peace regarding the finances in your life, this just may be the book for you. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

11. Live the Best Story of Your Life: A World Champion's Guide to Lasting Change, by Bob Litwin

In reviews, this book has been described as “the single most important book you will ever read”, a “wonderful book”, and a book with a “simple yet powerful and practical...methodology...” In it, coach and author Bob Litwin offers a means to achieve successful, long-term, positive life change using 33 personal coaching sessions and simple-to-understand guidance and information. An outstanding book, it will most assuredly help you to open up, consider new possibilities and work your way to finally realize your true potential.

So there you have them, 11 Life-Changing Self-Improvement Books for Women You Should Read This Year. Now go re-invent yourself, re-invent your life. Be better, do better, create happier and more meaningful relationships, stop being frustrated with or limited in your finances, and give something positive back to a world that desperately needs what you have to offer. Click here to view this book on Amazon.

If you seriously want to change your circumstances for the better, find clarity, get motivated, begin to build a life where you can experience greater success and happiness and need a program that can help you to achieve that, I’ve got you covered!

This is exactly what the Desire Map Experience is about.

The Desire Map program is designed to help you develop a life plan based on how you want to feel in your life. “Goals with soul!” is how we refer to it. The DMP helps you to get perfectly clear about what you want to achieve in life and how you will achieve it. You will start living with much more clarity, focus, passion and purpose.

The best part is The Desire Map Program includes a number of high-impact modules and exercises that are packaged and delivered in a clear and simple way for you to quickly and easily implement them for immediate results.


Start Building A Better Life Now!


Click here to get started with The Desire Map eBook , or here to get The Desire Map Audio Book to listen to on your lunch or during your commute, or click here to begin mapping out your goals with the Desire Map Experience: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul! on mp3!

If you are READY to make a change and build a healthier, happier life with strategies that will last the rest of your life, click the link to check out The Desire Map program and get started TODAY!

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Posted by on Jan 5, 2017 in Personal Development, Self Improvement

How To Create A Personal Growth Self Improvement Plan For Your Life

Updated: January 27, 2018

How To Create A Personal Growth Self Improvement Plan For Your LifeA plan for personal growth and self-improvement is your blueprint for how you want your life to change for the better.

It includes your goals, dreams and aspirations.

In addition to detailing your goals, it lists strategies, timelines and resources that you will use to achieve them.

It goes without saying that if you have no established plan or direction for life, you'll find yourself at the mercy of circumstance.

That could turn out okay.

However, it's more likely as time passes and you grow older, you'll discover that you're not where you wanted to be in life, and you've wasted precious time.

And in the end, you'll not have lived your life in the way you would have wished.

Fortunately, it's never too late to change course, put yourself on a new path and begin to live a life that's fulfilling and meaningful to you.

By creating a plan for your personal growth and self-improvement based on what you want for yourself and the way in which you desire to live, you can make the most of the time you have.

You can steer your life in a new direction.

Importance of a plan for Personal Growth and Self-Improvement

If you change, your life will change regardless of your circumstance.

It's really that simple.

Not necessarily easy, but simple.

Change comes in the form of personal growth and self-improvement.

Knowing that you want to get from point A to point B, and developing a plan specifically to undertake that task, will help you to rally the energy and resources you need to achieve your goals.

In addition, a plan for personal growth and self-improvement offers the following benefits:

  • It helps you to specifically pinpoint your goals; to determine what it is you want.
  • It helps you to identify your strengths and weaknesses and determine how these can help or hinder you in your efforts to achieve your goals.
  • It helps your odds of being successful. People who write down their goals and are actively involved in charting out the path they want to take tend to be significantly more successful than their peers who do not follow this process.
  • It helps to make you more efficient. A personal growth plan can significantly save you time, effort and resources. It helps you to avoid committing resources to activities which do not bring you closer to your goal.
  • Your dream life does not just happen. Ideal careers, good marriages, successful investment portfolios, beautiful homes and many other aspects of a successful life do not just fall into your lap. A personal growth self-improvement plan helps you to identify exactly what it is that you want to achieve and explore. It helps you to identify and select the best strategies for reaching your goals. And, it aids in determining resources you will need to commit in order to achieve your objectives.

Creating a Personal Growth Self Improvement Plan for Your Life

Creating an effective plan for personal growth and self-improvement is essential to achieving the goals you have set for yourself. Below are a few important steps to follow when deciding on a blueprint for your life:

1. Define your goals: Determine which goals are most important for you to achieve.

Since it's very likely you have limited time and/or resources, you'll have to prioritize goals before you can set in motion the activities that will help you to achieve them.

For instance, if you work for a living, do you want to advance to a higher level in your chosen career?

Do you want to make a change to a different, more profitable, or more meaningful career?

Do you desire to step away from what has already been a long or successful career? Are you interested in retirement? Does owning your own business, or performing volunteer or service work appeal to you?

If you've raised a family and your children have grown up and moved on to college or beyond, do you want to live in a different environment, downsize your home, or move to a different city or state or country?

Define exactly what it is that you want at this stage of life.

Make it the foundation for creating an effective personal growth and self-improvement plan.

2. Prioritize your goals: Of all the goals you have listed in the previous step, determine which is most important and direct the necessary energies and resources toward your various goals according to the weight of their significance.

This may mean for instance, going back to school for an advanced degree so that you can get that promotion at work before working toward achievement of your next goal.

3. Determine the timelines: Timelines and deadlines help you to avoid procrastination or inaction and ensure that you achieve your goals within the most efficient time possible.

For example, you don't want to be the person that delays seeking additional schooling or training needed to progress to the level you desire, only to find younger and better educated, but less experienced, workers in your organization moving faster up the ladder than are you.

4. Take stock of your skills and resources: Find out what you have in terms of financial, time and other resources to determine whether you can begin working on your goals immediately or whether you may need to build up your resources or make other adjustments first.

Additionally, this is the point to take stock of your skills and talents. You can then determine whether you're able to tackle your goals now or if you'll require additional skills.

5. Take Action: After considering your situation, making your assessments and arriving at your decisions, put everything together in a comprehensive plan that details your goals in order of priority, a specific timeline for you to achieve them, and the strategies you will use and resources and skills that you will apply to ensure you reach your destination.

Then put that plan into action!

A personal growth self-improvement plan is essential for anyone serious about living the life of their dreams.

It will help you to focus your energies. It also helps you to better manage your available resources and prompts you to build necessary skills.

Ultimately, it helps you move from an undesirable state to one where you're working your dream job, living in your dream space, and achieving the goals you've set for yourself.

Was this post helpful to you? Let me know in the comments. If so, please think about who you know that needs to read this and would be encouraged and benefit from this information in their personal journey. Then share this message with them. Thanks!


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