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Posted by on Oct 19, 2018 in Personal Development, Personal Growth, Self Improvement

What To Do When You Make A Mistake

What to do when you make a mistakeOkay. I admit it.

I have certainly made my share of mistakes in life.

When you make a mistake, it's not always an easy thing to admit.

We all want other people to think well of us, and part of that desire is to appear as if we do things right all the time.

As if we don't make mistakes.

But for many of us, there comes a time in life when the light bulb goes on, and we realize that our lives are full (FULL!) of mistakes because at the root of it all, we are imperfect beings.

We ALL make mistakes.

So you messed up, we all do it. Maybe you accidentally insulted someone or hurt the feelings of a friend.

Or maybe you had a misunderstanding at work.

Either way, you may be feeling embarrassed and upset, which is perfectly understandable.

Who wants to go around hurting people they care about or creating more drama at work?

And while it may be understandable that you feel badly about having made a mistake, it is important is that you deal with the situation appropriately and move on from this experience.

So, we're going to give you some simple tools.

Here are five tips to help you move on from your mistake.

 

How to Move On When You've Made A Terrible Mistake

 

two women sitting by the sea

 

1. Acknowledge that you made a mistake – The first part of moving on is always acceptance.

It is important to accept your mistake and own it.

If you accept your part of whatever problem occurred, you are going to be better able to move on to the next step.

 

woman holding yellow flower

 

2. Apologize – Say “I'm sorry”.

I know. For some of us, it can be very difficult to say “I'm sorry” or to say “I was wrong”, but you must.

If you have hurt someone, if you have wronged them in some way, if you caused harm, you have to own up to it and you have to apologize.

Be sincere – admit your fault/wrong-doing/bad behavior, and express remorse for any hurt/discomfort/problem/inconvenience/damage you've caused.

3. Fix your mistake – Whether this step consists of a simple (or not so simple) apology to someone, making amends or covering costs for damages, coming up with a plan to make things right can be the most empowering part of moving on!

There is nothing more proactive than deciding on a plan to move forward and executing it to the best of your ability.

Everyone in your life will be grateful for your acknowledgment of your part in the problem.

 

red and blue heart wooden gate

 

4. Forgive yourself – We all make mistakes, no one in the whole world is perfect!

This feeling that you're having now—the embarrassment and anger at yourself—will fade eventually.

Accept that you messed up and forgive yourself for being human.

Mistakes are a part of life and carrying guilt around with you for every small thing you do won't help you.

 

diverse group of smiling people

 

5. Understand and reaffirm to yourself that you are not your mistake – When you make a mistake (even a big one), it's something that you do, it is not who you are.

Your mistake does not define you as a person.

Your mistake is not you.

Do not waste any time dwelling on that negative thought or reinforcing untruths in your mind.

When you make a mistake, it's important to deal with it, appropriately, but then get past it.

With these simple tips you can learn to move on from the mistake that you made and learn from the experience.

Of course you're going to make mistakes. The most important thing is for you to acknowledge them, move on and be kind to yourself and others in the process.

Did you enjoy this post? If so, please share with your family and friends! Thanks!

Kimberly Clay

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

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Posted by on Sep 8, 2018 in Inspiration, Personal Development, Success

The Only 10 Positive Affirmations You Need To Change Your Life This Year

today is awesome sign on desktop
 

There’s a good chance you’ve heard the term ‘positive affirmations’ before. It’s a hot topic from health gurus to TED Talks – that the very act of speaking positive things can have an immensely beneficial impact in your life.

It sounds too good to be true, but optimism is good for your health and increasing daily positivity has a very genuine effect.

Kimberly Clay

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

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Posted by on Aug 30, 2018 in Personal Development, Success

Live Life Better: 15 Ways to Foster a Winning Positive Attitude

red flower - positive attitude
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.” – Helen Keller.
No matter how amazing your life or how dazzling your smile, everyone hits a bumpy road every now and then. And when it happens, it’s not easy to be positive.

You may think it takes a superwoman to manage both work and family; to keep up with a fast-paced life; to cope with ‘not-so-positive’ people and situations, or to manage your kids and be an engaged and attentive partner while dealing with your own demons.

Kimberly Clay

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

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Posted by on Jul 20, 2018 in Goals, Personal Development, Self Improvement

10 Proven Methods for Establishing Your Life Goals: How to Identify What You Want in Life

setting life goals

You know, when people talk about life goals, it can seem so cliche.

More than likely, people have been talking to you about setting goals since you were an elementary school kid.

You were encouraged to set goals to get better grades, do better in school, be a good kid.

When you finished high school or went to college, everything was all about setting goals for your future, to graduate, begin a career, to get a good job and eventually to start a family of your own, to settle down.

Sometimes it seems we're goaled to death.

The problem is, you're here.

And if you're here, it likely means either you're not entirely happy with how things have turned out, or you're looking for “more”.

You may have set goals to get to this point in your life, or you could have just sort of floated along as life has pushed you in this direction or along that path (a lot of people do).

But the point is you're here now and you're either unhappy (or at least not entirely happy) with where you are, and/or frustrated, tired, bored, confused or feeling “unfulfilled”.

Somehow you're just not in “the right place”.

So then, lets talk about goals again. But this time, let's do things right. You with me?

At some point you've had dreams for your life. Am I right?

What you wanted to be, what you wanted to do. What you wanted to experience.

Hopefully, you still do.

But the dreams you have for your life will likely stay dreams if you don’t take (actionable) steps towards manifesting those dreams into reality.

It is nearly impossible to work towards what we really want in life without setting “clear, attainable goals”.

So let's take a look at 10 methods you can put into practice to help you get clear on what you really want and create goals that will help you achieve your dreams.

establishing life goals

 

10 Proven Methods for Establishing Your Life Goals

 

1. Meditate

This is an important secret...It is impossible to set goals if you don’t know what you really want.

Sounds really obvious. Right?

I can see you rolling yours eyes you know.

But I can't tell you how many people, myself included, have set a bunch of goals in life without REALLY knowing (or without honoring) what it is they really wanted.

Just let that marinate in your mind a minute, becasue I promise you it sounds basic, but it truly is an important point.

It is imperitive for you to get in touch with your authentic self, the person you know yourself to be, to identify and understand what you really want out of life.

And one way to do that is to meditate.

I'm not talking about chanting or making strange noises or folding yourself in weird positions.

What I am talking about is getting into a calm, quiet space, and clearing your mind of distractions and “noise” (both literally and figuratively) so that your thoughts flow through you more readily.

Doing so helps to make your mind more receptive to your thoughts, and to have the ability to see and consider the thoughts you have with more clarity and depth and feeling.

Having a level of clarity helps you greatly in identifying and determining what it is you actually want.

There are many ways to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your life, the most common of which is finding a quiet space and ample time to sit and be alone with yourself.

Walking meditation is also good, as the act of walking is meditative, but allows your mind to get still and go inward.

Going on long walks by yourself where you are able to enter that quiet, meditative space is one way to start contemplating and getting clear on what it is that you want in life.

2. Brainstorm your Lifetime Goals

Once you’ve had opportunity to consider what it is you want, it’s time to start brainstorming your goals and the “how” to get to what you want.

To help you start brainstorming, consider developing specific goals in the following areas of your life.

Personal Development: These are goals involving who you want to be as a person and what you want your personality to be like.

Would you like to be more thoughtful, empathetic, compassionate, outgoing?

These are the types of goals that fall under personal development.

Spiritual Development: Any goals you may have with regard to your spiritual growth and development falls under this category.

Maybe you’ve lost touch with your faith over the years and are interested in going to temple or church again.

Maybe you’d simply like to have a deeper understanding of spiritual matters or incorporate meditation and mindfulness into your life.

Whatever you want to incorporate into your life for your spiritual wellbeing falls under this category.

Health & Wellness: What do you want to achieve in terms of your health?

Are you looking to lose or gain weight?

Would you like to lead a more active lifestyle?

Do you want to eat a more clean and whole-food-based diet?

Write down whatever goals you have relating to physical health in this category.

Relationships: Are you single and wanting to meet new people?

Are you in a committed long-term relationship and seeking to re-ignite a spark?

Do you desire to reconnect with a best friend?

Do you wish to spend more quality time with your children?

Whatever goals you have relating to the people in your life will fall under this category.

Career/Professional: What do you want out of your job?

Are you seeking a promotion or a change in career?

This is the category for whatever you want to accomplish as far as your profession is concerned.

Finances: What is your ideal income for the life you want to live?

What expenses are necessary for your life?

Is there anything you want to accomplish in life that would require you to have a specific amount of money to finance it?

Do you want to travel?

How about retire early?

Think about your finances and to determine what you need/want in order to be living your best life.

All of these can be part of your goals.

Environment: What does your dream home look like?

What do you want to be surrounded by every day?

Think about these things and make goals about what kind of environment you would like to have around you.

This can include small things like decluttering or bigger things like moving to a new place.

The Dailygreatness Journal is perfect for goal planning. It's a Practical Guide for Consciously Creating Your Days, and combines a yearly diary, goal and appointment planner, and daily tools for self-mastery.

3. Brainstorm Smaller Goals

It’s important to keep in mind that not all goals have to be massive and life-changing, and not all goals have to be massive to be life-changing.

Are there small things that you’ve been putting off for a while?

Take some time to brainstorm smaller, more immediate goals.

Maybe you want to deep clean your kitchen or accomplish a task like renewing your license.

Once you identify some of these smaller, but important or meaningful goals, you can then place them into the context of your larger life goals (maybe you want to clean your kitchen because you desire to live in a cleaner, healthier, uncluttered environment), and thus kickstart some motivation to begin.

4. Evaluate Why Your Goals Are Your Goals

As you identify and formulate your goals, take some time to consider them. Make sure that you are setting goals based on your dreams and desires, and not based on the desires of others.

If something is on your list just because you feel like it should be, get rid of it.

Your goal list is for you based on your deepest desires for your life.

They shpuld not be formulated or influenced someone else’s ideas of who you are or who you should be.

Take the time to review your brainstorm list, evaluating each desire individually to determine that it is truly yours and no one else’s.

5. Engage in the Bucket List Community

The bucket list community online can help inspire you to create goals for yourself.

Have you always wanted to explore nature or travel more?

Seeing others’ bucket lists can help inspire your own and give you some direction with narrowing down some broader goals you might have for your life.

Being able to clearly identify, define, articulate and envision the goals you choose is a critical element in bringing them to fruition.

SMART Goals - Establishing your life goals
6. Set SMART Goals

One scientifically backed way to set goals is through the SMART method:

Specific: Your goal should be clearly defined and precise. It should answer more questions than it creates.

Measurable: Your goal should include dates, times and exact financial numbers so you can measure achievement. Each step should be measurable. If you do this, you’ll know exactly when you have achieved the goal and can take satisfaction from the completion.

Actionable/Attainable: Your goal must be achievable. You should be able to accomplish it within your own constraints. If this is not possible, try extending your timeline and create more sub-goals.

Relevant/Realistic: Your goal should be something you actually care about. It should be in line with the direction you want to head in life.

Timely: Your goal should have a specific deadline for completion.

Example SMART goal:

“By December 15th 2018, I will apply to 10 graduate schools’ MFA programs in poetry,” as opposed to “I want to be a writer.”

This goal specifies the task at hand (namely, applying to MFA programs in poetry).

It is a measurable goal with a specific target: 10 schools.

The goal is achievable because the goal setter has 1. defined a limited time within which to accomplish her goal and specified and end-date, and 2. given herself enough time to carry out the related tasks.

It's relevant because it is helping the goal setter move toward something she feels passionate about.

Finally, the chosen goal is timely because it has a specific date by which the goal should be completed.

7. Break Down Your Goals

Some life goals seem huge or unattainable.

Maybe you want a house in Greenwich, Connecticut (one of the most eclusive areas in the US to buy a home).

Maybe you want to be the CEO of your company.

Maybe you want to be a public speaker who conducts presentations before thousands of people.

Maybe you want to live in a foreign country and help to build schools for impoverished children or help bring fresh drinking water to rural communities.

All of these goals seem huge at first glance, but instead of getting overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of them, try breaking down your goals into several actionable, smaller goals.

For example, if one of your life goals is to retire early, you will have to break that goal down into smaller goals.

How will you increase your income or cut spending (and over what period of time) so you can put addiitonal money into your retirement fund?

Will you need to pick up extra work?

These are the kinds of questions that can lead to the formulation of smaller goals to help you reach your larger goals.

8. State Each Goal as a Positive Statement

Express your goals positively.

Try mentally framing your goals as positive or actionable tasks in the style of “execute this technique” instead of negative thinking such as “don’t make this stupid mistake”.

In this way, you have something you CAN do to reach your goal instead of something you shouldn't do.

For example, if one of your goals is to “stop eating junk food” (negative) you could change that around to be “eat healthier snacks on a daily basis” (positive).

This way, you are accomplishing your goal every time you make a good choice instead of failing at your goal every time you slip up.

9. Set Priorities

Not all of your goals will have equal weight in your life.

You must therefore prioritize your goals so that you focus your energy and resources to obtain the most desired results.

This helps you avoid feeling overwhelmed by having multiple goals and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.

10. Set performance goals, not outcome goals

If you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals and draw satisfaction from them.

Avoid setting goals that explicitly involve something outside of your own control.

So for example, if one of your goals is to buy a house by the ocean, try thinking of it more as “saving enough money to buy a house by the ocean.”

In this way, as soon as you have the money to buy a house by the ocean, you have achieved your goal (Yay!) and won’t be discouraged (or view it as a failure) if in the process of actually finding a house, external circumstances make that difficult.

A goal without a plan is just a wish

 

Becasue goal setting and establishing life goals is an often talked about subject, you may think it's just over-used, positivity concept babble.

But I would challenge you to find a genuinely successful person who was not also a successful goal setter and achiever.

Setting goals doesn't make you successful. But setting meaningful, measurable, actionable and achievable goals (based on what you genuinely desire, are willing to commit to and work for) and taking the necessary steps to realize them is what makes you successful and helps move you forward into the life you want.

If you’re ready to start identifying what you want in life and setting realistic, attainable goals, then try our 10 methods for establishing your life goals and go for it.

What amazing life-altering experiences will you begin today?

If you've enjoyed reading this post, please share with your family and friends! Thanks!


Kimberly Clay

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

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Posted by on Jul 17, 2018 in Personal Development, Self Esteem, Self Improvement

7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Why You Should

women friends - how to stop comparing yourself to others

 

They say, “A thing of beauty needs no comparison, only an eye to behold it…”

Really?

I'm a mid-life woman, and so far I haven’t met any ‘non-comparing’ females in or out of my circle.

And of course that includes me as well 😉

I mean whether we're willing to admit it or not, we're always comparing ourselves!

There’s always the girl who’s (younger and) thinner than you, or the woman whose butt looks better in jeans; someone who’s prettier than you, someone who's smarter  or seems to have more.

How about the chick with the gorgeous boyfriend?

And if none of that holds true, there’s definitely someone who has a better job.

No? How about someone who’s more fortunate or happier than you?

Not to mention the lady who has more friends, a nicer home or…. Perhaps a different skill set?

Then there's always the other end of that spectrum. Someone who has it worse…

… And it goes on 😉

 

And let's be honest...We christian women know better.

But right now, we're talking real talk.

 

So the question is this, how to stop comparing yourself to others?

And the answer is, simple – stop doing it.

Life is NOT a competition.

Nobody is perfect, and all of us have the potential to be better versions of ourselves.

 

Comparing Yourself to Others Psychology

 

The truth is, we are taught the idea of comparing ourselves to others from very young.

This drive to compare ourselves to others was named 'Social Comparison' by social psychologist Leon Festinger, in the 1950s.

According to Festinger’s research, “human beings have the drive to assess their opinions and to know more about their abilities and when they are incapable of evaluating their opinions and abilities, they tend to compare themselves with others.”

Festinger was the first to use the term “Social Comparison”.

Social psychologists Aspinwall and Taylor did research on esteem and comparison, in the 1990s.

Their research showed that depending on someone’s level of motivation and self-worth, comparison can either be Upward or Downward.

  • Upward comparison, compels us to compare ourselves with those who are better than us, and
  • Downward Comparison urges us to compare ourselves with the ones who are worse than us.

Comparing upwards with a good self-worth can motivate us, but the same can negatively affect our psychological well-being if we have a low self-esteem, and this is where most of us need work.

 

"Comparing Myself to Others" Anxiety

 

We can create unnecessary situations of anxiety for ourselves.

We put ourselves down and find fault in ourselves because we see others as possessing the very attributes we wish we had.

The truth is, people have their own struggles underneath whatever they display.

So much in our society is competitive, and we give in to that competitive nature without considering that we’re putting our self-worth at stake.

chalk board - Don't compare yourself with others

 

7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

 

Instead, we should continually remind ourselves of the following:

 

1. All of us are notable in a particular sphere. We all have things in us that are worthy (and we should endeavor to magnify those) for which we’re being admired as well.

There’s always someone that is looking at you, admiring your traits. After all, we’re all on the same spectrum. 😉

2. Rather than Compare, Observe to learn and grow. Instead of seeing ourselves in negative comparison against others (having or being more or less than someone else), we can remind ourselves that we’re still learning.

We can choose to emulate that which is truly admirable to learn and grow.

3. We must realize that folks don’t know our insecurities, and we don't know theirs. Seriously.

People have their own insecurities and they’re way too busy with their own self-conscious stuff to analyze us.

Just as we’re thinking about ourselves, they’re busy thinking about themselves.

4. Remember that comparison can be competitive. The yearning to possess what someone else has or is isn't healthy.

And being competitive in a negative way can lead to saying or doing things that can demean us in the longer run.

5. Admitting our insecurities and vulnerabilities openly decreases our tendency to compare ourselves with others. It helps us to accept ourselves "warts and all".

When we accept ourselves as we are, we realize that others have their own unique attributes, but also their own set of insecurities.

That approach releases us from the vicious grip of competition.

We begin to  admire others and work on our own stuff.

6. Taking others out of the equation, or comparing ourselves to ourselves helps to increase our self-worth.

The only way to "win", is by being a "better you" than you were yesterday.

If there's to be comparison, then let that be the nature of the competition.

For instance, instead of telling myself, “Oh Sarah is so much thinner than I am”, I can say, “I lost twenty pounds during the last 4 months. Wow! I’m proud of myself. I’ll feel awesome when I lose 10 more.”

7. Flip the script by replacing comparison and judgment with love and kindness. When we’re in the process of comparing ourselves with someone, we’re in fact stirring up negative energy, which is being sent out to the other person.

Remember that what goes around comes around.

Instead, be happy that the other person is so blessed, and know that you're blessed as well.

 

Whenever we find ourselves in the comparison trap (and it is a trap) we can hold our fire and send love and kind thoughts to the person we’re comparing ourselves to (and to ourselves as well).

We can compliment them; we can appreciate what is positive about them.

Appreciating others is a super positive habit with a boomerang effect. It makes us more self-compassionate.

 

Wrapping Up:

Comparison is toxic.

It breeds competition and brings insecurity, anxiety, depression, isolation and jealousy.

In addition to that, you can be competing against that which isn't even real, so it's a "no win" situation.

You see, that lady with better hair could be using a dye/weave/wig.

The one whose butt looks better in jeans might be using butt pads...

Learn to put things in perspective.

If there’s someone who’s thinner than you, then of course there’s someone who’s ‘thicker’ than you too.

If she has a better cleavage, don’t forget that you can still rock what you have (they're called "push-up" bras). 😉

And yes, it looks like she has a better boyfriend, but he might not be a "good" man.

All questions like...

How to stop comparing yourself to others physically?

How to stop comparing your body to others?

How to stop comparing your looks to others?

How to stop comparing your progress to others?

… have one and the same answer, and that is to appreciate and acknowledge what you have been blessed with.

 

The truth is, everyone has a different path and there’s no such thing as a perfect life.

All of us need to carve out our own path to be happy and successful.

When we admire those with whom we compare ourselves, they become our stepping stones to success.

So ladies, let’s say goodbye to the habit of comparing ourselves to others.

Love & Peace!

 

If you've enjoyed reading this post, please share it with your family and friends. Thanks!

 

Kimberly Clay

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

Read More

Posted by on Jul 13, 2018 in Personal Development, Self Confidence, Self Improvement

How to Be More Outgoing – 12 Simple Ways To Make Friends and Enlarge Your Personal Sphere of Influence

friends at sunset - how to be more outgoing
If you're an introvert (like me!), it can be a challenge to be more outgoing.

Put me in a quiet space with a good book (or two or three) and tell me I'll not see people for days, and you'll get no complaint from me.

But it’s no secret that socially confident people are generally more successful both professionally and personally as compared to their counterparts, even when they have less skills, education or social standing.

Society rewards those individuals who are outgoing, comfortable socially and even gregarious.

Because of their exuberant personalities, outgoing individuals tend to meet new people, meet more people and have more opportunities presented to them.

It can be extremely daunting and overwhelming for introverts to consider becoming more outgoing.

However, just because you're an introvert doesn’t mean that you can’t improve your skills to be more outgoing.

You can be an introverted person and also practice skills that will help you become more comfortable, confident, open and communicative around others.

 

What’s the Difference Between an Extrovert and an Introvert?

 

Extroverts gain energy from being around others. These are the kinds of people who love big parties and social gatherings and find it hard (or simply undesirable) to be alone for long periods of time.

Introverts, on the other hand, gain energy from being alone (yessss).

These are the kinds of people who need alone time after a busy day, or who tend to feel overwhelmed or anxious in large social situations.

While it is true that most extroverts are also very outgoing, it is also very possible to be an outgoing introvert.

Maybe you gain energy from being alone and prefer quiet spaces, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be shy in social situations.

 

How to be More Outgoing as an Introvert

 

The most important thing to understand is that you don’t have to be an extrovert to be outgoing.

Being outgoing is about being friendly, open and socially confident. Here are some simple tips to start your journey towards being more outgoing:

 

5 Very Simple Tips To be More Outgoing

 

1. Use your body language

Making eye contact instead of avoiding it or staring at the ground is one easy way to instantly make yourself appear more outgoing.

If you stand up straight, employ good body posture and project a confident attitude, then you will be more likely to act confidently in conversations and people will see and respond to your confidence.

2. Go to places where there are people like you

If you’re not the kind of person who enjoys drinking and partying, going to a bar to meet people and expecting that to be a good experience is kind of a silly idea.

There are all kinds of personalities in this world, but not every experience is for everybody. And there will be some people around whom you'll not feel especially comfortable or get along with well.

I'm all for exploring new and different experiences, places and meeting new people, however, if you're working toward becoming a more outgoing person, it may be better at least in the beginning to find a place where you feel you will fit in.

That way, you're starting out from a place of comfort where you're more apt to feel confident and secure.

Whether it’s a bookstore, a coffee shop, or an event created around something you're interested in (such as a wine tasting, chef's dinner or an art event), it will be a lot easier to be outgoing around like-minded people than to be outgoing around people with completely different interests and personalities.

3. Make goals

Formulate progressive goals toward the eventual goal of becoming more outgoing.

Is there someone at work that you’ve enjoyed talking with and with whom you'd like to socialize in a personal setting outside your job?

Then work to make it happen.

First, challenge yourself to make a special effort to talk to them.

Striking up a simple conversation about their day, their interests, or asking about their family is a good way to initiate discussion.

Once you’ve done this over a few occasions, you can then move on to invite them to lunch or to hang out outside of work, attend an event and so on.

4. Seek help from outgoing friends

If you have friends who are outgoing, ask them to help you with meeting new people.

More likely than not, they will be thrilled to be of help.

Spending time with outgoing people can help jettison you into new social circles, as well as give you opportunity to observe their outgoing behaviors and model them.

5. Ask questions

People love talking about themselves.

If you are unsure what to say among strangers or how to ease yourself into conversation, simply ask a question.

Asking questions gives you the chance to learn more about others while also giving you the opportunity to take the lead and direct a conversation to a subject with which you're comfortable.

friends eating at a restaurant - how to be more outgoing

 

7 Additional Tips for Being More Outgoing

 

 

6. How to Get Over Shyness and Be Less Self-conscious

 

Being shy is usually a product of fearing judgement.

Oftentimes, introverts tend to exaggerate in their minds how much other people judge them.

As you move through your daily life, likely, no one is judging you nearly as much as you suspect or as harshly as you may judge yourself.

It can help you to relieve the pressure you may feel, and to feel less awkward just to have this basic understanding.

One other way to get over shyness is to simply acknowledge it in your conversations.

It comes across as charming and self-aware to mention your shyness if you can feel it hindering your conversation, and once it is out in the open, you will likely settle into the exchange and discussion.

 

7. How Can I Be More Fun to Be Around?

 

Chances are, you are already great fun to be around in the right setting where you feel secure and comfortable.

The most important thing to remember is to acknowledge that as an introverted person, you have limits to how much socialization you feel comfortable with in a set amount of time.

You will be more fun to be around if you truly want to be in a particular situation and feel up for it.

Avoid agreeing to too many social events (or events with which you are especially uncomfortable) in the name of being more outgoing. If you set yourself up for a few high-quality interactions, this will help you grow your confidence and keep you from feeling averse to social gatherings and interaction.

 

8. How Can I Become More Social?

 

If you're working toward being more social, the easiest place to begin is to practice talking to people you meet throughout your day.

It’s simple to speak with cashiers and baristas, coworkers and clients or teachers and other people within your community.

Simply be friendly and open whether it's talking about the day, or commenting on the weather. Something small like this can help spark conversation and give you practice striking up conversations on your own.

Greeting people and adding a simple “how are you?” or “how has your day been?” can help extend your conversation and provide an opportunity to get to know one another.

 

9. How Can I Become Well-spoken?

 

The best way to become more well-spoken is simply to practice.

Being well spoken mostly comes down to being confident.

And confidence is built upon practice.

One way to appear more confident and to feel readier to speak and express yourself is to make eye contact.

Remember that the majority of our communication is not in our words, but is made through non-verbal, body queues, and eye contact is a very important one of those.

When you make eye contact during conversation, it signals to others that you are paying attention, you're focused and listening to what they have to say.

And when you're the one speaking, your eye contact draws people into your conversation, and conveys assertiveness and confidence in your demeanor.

One easy way to practice speaking to new people is simply to introduce yourself when you come in contact with a new person.

Over time, you will develop a comfortable and casual introduction pattern that will make you ocmfortable when meeting virtually anyone.

As an example, one very simple and effective method of introducing yourself is to simply say, “Hello. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m _____.”

This gives the other person a chance to introduce themselves and gives you an opening into conversation.

Especially in this day in age, you’d be surprised at how many people forego this step. Just the simple act of introducing yourself can really make you appear sociable and outgoing.

 

10. How to Be More Outgoing and Talkative

 

If you find yourself having a hard time striking up conversations, it can really help to try out being more talkative around people with whom you know you have something in common.

Is there a coworker that likes the same music as do you?

Or another parent at your child’s school who is interested in art?

Try striking up a conversation about something in which you are genuinely interested.

In this way, you will naturally be more engaged, have more to say, and appear more confident.

 

11. How to Be More Outgoing in a Relationship

 

If you find you’re having trouble being outgoing (warm, open, communicative) in a new relationship, try talking with your partner about it.

And instead of following their queues, try taking the lead every once in a while.

This can help open the door for you to be more spontaneous and outgoing.

It’s important to express your own needs and desires, and simply taking this first step can make you feel more comfortable in the situation and with your partner, further opening the lines of communication with them.

Another way to become more outgoing in a relationship is to ask questions.

As we've discussed previously and as with any new person, asking questions is a great way to get to know someone.

In the case of a new relationship, try asking some deeper questions. These kinds of questions will help you take more ownership in the situation of getting to know each other.

 

12. How to Be Outgoing and Funny

 

Not everyone is a genius at telling jokes, nor should they be.

Let funny moments happen organically.

It’s a lot easier to show your humorous side once you get to know someone a bit better, and you feel more cmfortable around them.

Don't worry too much about coming across as funny right away.

If you aren't naturally gifted with humor, you'll find humor in your relationships as you get to know people.

As you gain confidence in speaking to new people, the confidence in humor will also come.

iguana friends - how to be nore outgoing

 

Final Thoughts - How to Be More Outgoing

 

It's important to understand that your worth is not based on what others think of you.

Your worth is based on who you are as a person, what you give to others and to yourself.

It is based on your attributes and your truest self.

Gaining self-confidence and getting to a point where you're comfortable with who you are is immensely helpful in growing your level of comfort in new and unfamiliar situations or around new people.

When you are comfortable with yourself and project a confident positive attitude, it's obvious to others, making both you and them more comfortable with one another in a given situation, and at the same time making the need for the approval of others not a priority (or source of angst and anxiety) for you.

All of this helps you to be more outgoing.

Though there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert by nature, learning to be more outgoing is a useful skill in social interactions, in business and even in job advancement.

You can be yourself and still learn to grow your social skills to be more open, more receptive to and more interactive with others. Try some of the tips we've outlined today to help you to be more outgoing.

If you enjoyed this post, please share with your family and friends!

Kimberly Clay

Kimberly Clay is the founder and creative force behind What She Say. She’s a business professional, writer and editor who’s been creating and managing digital content for nearly twenty years. Her work is now focused in the areas of self-improvement and personal development, and she is passionate about helping other individuals, especially women, to find a path for living their best life.

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