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5 Little-Known Secrets to Build Your Self Esteem


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5 Little -Known Secrets To Build Your Self Esteem

Self Esteem. There’s so much hype on the Internet today encouraging you to live your best life, be a #girlboss and own who you are.

It’s a great sentiment (especially in today’s social and political environment). But how is it really done?

How does a woman actually go about building her self-esteem and confidence?

We did a little research to get down to the facts—and share 5 little-known secrets for boosting self-esteem.

5 Confidential Insights To Boost Your Confidence


1. Focus On Actions, Not Feelings


Most women tend to think they’re already “in touch with their feelings”, right?

The problem is, we’re taught that self-esteem is a feeling itself.

We all want to feel like we have high self-esteem, but do we?

And do we really have time every day to get in the mood for high self-esteem?

In the book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind To Yourself”, author Kristin Neff talks about focusing not on the feeling of self-esteem, but on exhibiting healthy actions—to ourselves and others.

She suggests that self-esteem is just a side-effect of having healthy relationships, not a result of an always-positive mindset.

You now have permission to break up with that frenemy, in the name of self-care.


2. Show Some Self-Compassion


Neff’s book brings up a whole new way of thinking about positive self-esteem.

Rather than trying to boost your self-confidence with thoughts about how awesome you are, women should focus more on self-forgiveness and unconditional self-love.

Missed an important deadline? Screamed at the kids? Overindulged at dinner?

Remind yourself that you’re human, you make mistakes, and you’re totally imperfect.

Show yourself the kind of compassion that you show the ones you love when they mess up.

This can help you view yourself more positively, improving your self-esteem by default.


3. Try Tried-And-True Affirmations


No big secret here—affirmations work.

In a study published by Northwestern State University, researchers found that people who practiced positive affirmations daily had an improved sense of self-esteem in just 2 weeks.

The great thing about positive affirmations is that you can truly personalize them for your specific needs.

Prepping for a big upcoming project?

Want to work on being patient?

There’s an affirmation for that! Search for a list of affirmations you can start today, or set aside some time to craft the perfect ones for your life.


4. Practice Goal-Setting


Setting SMART goals.

We all know it’s important.

But did you know that setting goals and reaching them is a serious self-esteem booster?

Whether you’ve pledged to lose weight, write a novel or just be in bed by 10 PM Monday-Friday, working to reach your goals increases your self-esteem.


When you’re setting goals, you’re (finally) putting yourself first.

With each task that passes on the way to reaching your goal, you prove to yourself that you deserve to be a priority.

And with every goal reached, you earn the right to say you did it for yourself, by yourself.

What better way to improve your sense of self-satisfaction?


5. Invest In Meaningful Relationships


You’ve heard the saying, “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with?”

Well, what if you’re spending time with 5 people who suck?

Who drain you?

Who makes you work way too hard to keep the relationships thriving?

Talk about a self-esteem killer.

Take a mental inventory (or grab paper and pen!) of the top 5 people you spend time with.

Do they build you up?

Encourage you out of your comfort zone?

Or do they leave you feeling whipped?

Maybe it’s time to mix up your circle, so improve your well-being.

Building (or re-building) self-esteem takes time.

Just remember that being accountable to yourself doesn’t mean being overly critical or judgemental of your thoughts and actions.

Accept that you are a person with flaws, as is everyone.

But you’re also a distinctive person with valuable attributes and something worthwhile to offer to others.

Use the five strategies above to improve your self-esteem, and to help you to become the person you desire to be and value most.

If you like this post and know someone it would help, please share. Thanks!




  1. Yes, SMART goals are an absolute must in my life.

  2. Great points to ponder! I love invest in meaningful relationships details, so super important! xoxo

  3. These are great tips to focus on! Positive self-esteem can seem a bit elusive at times but it doesn’t have to be! Thank you for the post. God Bless!

  4. I love your thoughts on goal setting and meaningful relationships. It’s these areas of our life where we can really take action and build our self esteem muscles. Just like taking care of our physical bodies, it’s something we can’t let slip away for too long. It must be a priority.

    • Thanks, Mary. Well said. 🙂

  5. Great tips…thanks!

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